Dead to Me

This has to be the lowest our men's basketball program has fallen in many, many years. I have said this four or five times so far this year, and now, during the Oklahoma game, I mean it. This team is painful to watch, undisciplined (and I'm not talking off the court), and all around shitty. We have no half court offense, and this could be the longest season of Razorback basketball we've ever experienced. Even the Great White Hope can't salvage this season.
I've still got this game on TV. I don't want to watch it, but I can't bring myself to turn it off. This saddens me.
As far as football goes, I hope it never ends. The gap between the sports of football and baseball needs to be filled by some sport other than basketball. The loss to LSU was painful, but it was a great game anyway. We were playing to be considered for the Capital One Bowl in Orlando, the third best bowl invite in the SEC, but, with one game, slid to a much lower tier bowl, the Liberty Bowl, more than likely, in Memphis. As I expressed my disappointment about losing the game and going to a lower tier bowl, my dad so wisely reminded me, we're not winning any championships this year. The bowl really doesn't matter, but the practice time does. Another full month of practice and reps for this young team will pay dividends next season.
You're looking at a team losing only 4-5 starting seniors and returning all the major players from one of the most explosive offenses in the country. Don't be fooled by all the Mallett going pro talk; he can learn more next year under Bobby P. and Co. than he would learn anywhere in the country. There's always the Sam Bradford argument, but that argument is just as easily countered by understanding that Mallett's probably a late first rounder if he's lucky and likely a second rounder. That money's not the same as what Bradford would have seen. Also, see Mark Sanchez. The future looks bright here.
Most projections show our opponent in the Liberty Bowl to be Houston at 10-2. We're a 7-5 team so I can see the Houston faithful being disappointed in that bowl draw, but that's the treatment we get coming from the best football conference in America. I wish the same could be said for basketball.
We might just drop a goose egg in the SEC this year in B-ball. And here you had me thinking we couldn't do any worse than last season. HA!

Les is More?

'Twas a brisk November evening approximately two years ago when a young, beloved Arkansan by the name of Darren McFadden had a delivery to make to Tiger Stadium. What was the contents of this special delivery? 'Twas a win in the form of "dat wood."



The upcoming Arkansas/LSU game is important on a few different levels.

The first of which has to do with a shoe, err boot. Allow me to explain as if you didn't already know: if you look at the combination of Arkansas and Louisiana on a map, you can make out a rudimentary shape. What is this shape? It's clearly a boot! Whereas other schools have in-state rivalries with which they compete at year's end, Arkansas and LSU have decided to forego geographic rivalries and instead opt for fashion-related exhibition. There's even a trophy shaped, you guessed it, like a boot! Regardless of fashion and fashion accessories, LSU is the biggest rivarly we can muster considering how late we are to the SEC party. It is nice to have a recent national champion as a regular rival, but I will say the whole "boot" thing is a bit corny (but you get it right? It looks just like a boot!).

The second reason is that Les Miles is up there with Houston Nutt when it comes to being a Dick or Johnson (I'm clearly referring to former Arkansas quarterbacks). I wish I could fit a South Carolina joke in here, but I just don't see it. We didn't like Les to begin with, but then he had to go and call us Ar-kansas. That's just mean man! Your transgression against the Natural State has been repaid two years running, so you're welcome.



The third, and most important reason that this is a huge game we have coming up: cotton. If we beat LSU, we'll more likely than not get a bid to the Cotton Bowl. That would be an amazing springboard for next season and it will be a lot of fun to go back to JerryWorld/Ya'll Mahal/Death Star yet again, to face and defeat yet another Tiny 12 team. I live in Dallas and these guys are in a Big XII bubble that needs to be popped. What better way than to bring MY team to the Big D and handily defeat one of their conference's better teams? I really want those bragging rights.

In conclusion, Les is not more, as can clearly be evidenced by his Christmas present to Hooter Dale last weekend. The best part is that Les called for the spike with one second left on the clock after previously letting precious seconds run off the clock before he called timeout. Please watch the video below to see Les lie about not calling the spike and to see him blaming it on the sophomore quarterback.



Let's put our boots on this weekend and then follow that up with a nice cotton wardrobe for New Years. Go Hogs!

The Springdale Holiday Inn

Miss Stake in the Rock

Ladies and Gents,
We're bowl eligible! While that's little solace to what could have been a spectacular season, it's improvement. Why is being bowl eligible so important? Sure, players think it's cool and they get some sweet gear, but mostly it's the extra practice time. The team gets a whole extra month of practice only to "get better." I've just recently come to hate the NCAA and its rules, and this is one rule I HATE. If your team does not make a bowl game, they cannot practice for the month leading up to the bowl games. This rule is absolutely asinine. Talk about he rich get richer. Imagine this: we start practice one month before the season starts then nearly 60% of the practices are only game prep. The month of practice before the bowl games is not only prep for the bowl game, but also a great way to make your team better for the next season. So, on the quest for our SEC and National titles, a little more practice at the end of this season will go a long way whether we're in the Cotton Bowl or the Chuck E' Cheese Bowl.
Now, let's talk about that plan for the Cotton Bowl.
The Hogs will face Mississippi State in the Rock in just 19 short hours. As far as I'm concerned, Misstake is over-matched and should leave disappointed tomorrow. They have a new coach and the best running back in the SEC, Anthony Dixon. If we can stop the run tomorrow, which we've proven to be able to do, their QB Tyson Lee will be as good as done. He's thrown for 4 TD's and 13 picks this season; Mallett throws for 5 TD's in one game like he's Driving Miss Daisy. ADVANTAGE: Hogs
The Hogs will have their hands full in Death Valley with a very beatable Tiger team, but we'll save that for next week.
If we get through both the Cowbell totin' Starkville faithful and the ones who smell of Corn Dogs, we'll be welcomed right back into Jerry World for the second time this season with high aspirations.
At this point in the season, I'd like to point out that betting the Razorbacks has paid off even though Cambridge Hog seems to think it's bad luck. I make a weekly bet that the Hogs will cover the spread with a co-worker, and I'm currently up $15. So, from this point forward, I can't lose money on the season. Also, in what could be the most bone-headed bet ever, one of Rowdy's co-workers bet him $40 that Misstake would win straight up. What and idiot. I'd put thousands of dollars on a bet like that.
Another 11:21 kickoff is not surprising at this point in the season, but, ESPN, seriously? Do you even think about how serious we are about tailgating in the Rock? They can't hold us down; breakfast will be served at our tailgate with a full Bloody Mary and Mimosa bar to wash it down. No worries, we'll have plenty of Boggs for those who don't believe it's ever too early for beer.

The Great Stadium Debate

There are two issues that will almost always divide Razorback nation as soon as they're mentioned. The first is the departure of Houston Dale and everything it encompasses. The other is the merits of playing games in Little Rock, Arkansas. As soon as any question comes up about any Little Rock game, it is only a matter of time before someone chimes in with the "why do we play games in that dump anyway?" Before you know it, you're in a full blown debate which has managed to pit Little Rock against Northwest Arkansas, and you'd swear we were living through the War of Northern Aggression all over again.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, the Great Stadium Debate (GSD) didn't really arise until the beginning of the decade. It was at that time that Frank Broyles raised the funds to construct what would become Donald W. Reynolds Razorback Stadium (DWRRS). It was transformed from a double sided 55,000 seater to what we currently see five Saturdays each fall. With the addition of the south endzone and the upper deck on the east side, DWRRS became an elegant 72,000 seat beauty complete with the largest jumbotron in the world (at the time).

It was no surprise that a power struggle ensued between the Stephens family and other Little Rock donors and the Broyles administration. Broyles wanted to have all of the games at his new home, and the Little Rock crowd wanted to continue the unique tradition of having two home stadiums for an entire state with only ONE team. After much debate, it was decided that two games each year would be played at War Memorial Stadium (including one SEC game), and the remainder would be played in Fayetteville. It was a compromise that made most happy, but as with any debate, there will always be two sides.

As it turns out, there were still some that were unhappy with the newfound compromise. These people felt that with this new Taj Mahal of a complex (which is the 7th largest in the SEC), we should play all games underneath the lights of DWRRS. They said good riddance to Little Rock, and that there was no need for the dumpy outdated War Memorial Stadium (WMS). It was argued that the tailgating at DWRRS was at least as good as the golf course at WMS, and that the atmosphere of the 72,000 strong would always overshadow what would be seen in Central Arkansas. To this day (over a decade later), they contend that there is no way anything about WMS could ever compete with the stadium on The Hill, and they will fight tooth and nail to convince you otherwise. Simply put, these people are WRONG!

I'll be the first to admit that WMS is outdated. I'll also be the first to make fun of what was formerly known as Waste Managment Field. But under no circumstance will I ever allow someone to deface a loyal home of the Razorbacks for decades on end. In order to keep from going on what could be a days long reading about the merits of War Memorial Stadium, I'll narrow this down to five issues that support Why We Should Keep Games In Little Rock.

• It's named WAR MEMORIAL STADIUM. This stadium was built as a tribute to all of the brave men and women who have fought to protect everything that we love about being Americans. The stadium is a lasting monument to veterans of two World Wars, Korea, Vietnam, Desert Storm, and the current wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. By abandoning games in Little Rock, you're abandoning those who have lost their lives protecting our country from those who want to take away your ability to do things like, say... watch college football. But hey, DWRRS is nicer, right??? Simply put, if you think we should move games out of Little Rock, you're un-American!


• It just so happens that We Win at WMS. I know that one of our games there every year is a cupcake, and one SEC game every other year is a lower tier SEC school, but we still win. I don't know if there is something different about playing in front of a Little Rock crowd, but the Hogs always seem to bring a little extra to the Rock, and it shows. Unfortunately, we are not so lucky when we show up in DWRRS. We have lost more SEC games than I can care to remember, and many of them were absolute BEATINGS. Maybe if we had played UGA in Little Rock this year we would've pulled it out. But hey, who cares about winning??? As long as you've got your upper deck you're happy, right???


• Location, location, location. Unfortunately, as much as I love Fayetteville, and I really do, it happens to be forever away from a majority of the state. Hell, it's faster for me to get to Fayettenam from Dallas than it is for someone who lives in West Mumphis or Helena. Good luck seeing a Hogs game if you are from Lake Village. In this instance you might as well be a Ole Miss, Miss St., or LSU fan, because they're easier to get to. Little Rock games offer people from all over the state the ability converge to Central Arkansas and see their Hogs play. One state, one team! But who cares about people who aren't from NWA??? As long as you've got your jumbotron you're happy, right???


• The Miracles on Markham. It is well documented that the Jones to Birmingham in the endzone (I miss hearing Paul Eells voice by the way) and Dick to Crawford in the endzone were two of the most exciting comeback wins in the history of Arkansas. These games are what you remember 30 years later. These games are what you tell your children about. These are games where it's more than acceptable to have a "sports cry." Can we really forget the stadium where these incredible moments happened. And these were just two instances in the last 7 years! It just simply doesn't make sense to abandon the stadium and the city that have given so much to the Hogs over the years. But hey, those are the past, and who needs those??? As long as you have your AQ Chicken to eat you're happy right???


• THE ATMOSPHERE. Fayetteville doesn't even begin to hold a candle to what is offered at WMS. 55,000+ people all gathering in one place to tailgate in an open area, and on a golf course no less. You know where else that happens? Pasadena, and that's it! Let's forget about the tailgating, because there is absolutely NO argument about this, and talk about the game time atmosphere. Time and time again opposing coaches and players have left WMS in awe of how loud 55,000 screaming Hog fans in that bowl can be. There are times when it's hard to hear yourself think. The fans in Fayetteville are nice, but they simply don't have what the Central Arkansas contingency has. In DWRRS I've been told on numerous occasions to sit down b/c I'm blocking the game. I've also been deemed "too drunk" at games on The Hill. You know where that doesn't happen? Little Rock. You know where approximately 70% of the crowd is drunker than I am? Little Rock. You know where people always have more fun? Little Rock. But hey, who needs 55,000 of the most passionate fans in the state? As long as you have your luxury boxes you'll be happy, right?

I know this all seems like a bit much, but it's what happens when you debate one of the most sensitive subjects in the entire Arkansas Razorback fanbase. The truth of the matter is, I could go on about this for days, and so could the other side. What it all boils down to is a nicer stadium vs. an extremely unique tradition. There are plenty of arguments to be made for both, but I know which side of the fence I fall, and I embrace it with every bone of my Razorback loving body.

Sorry it's been so long, and I'll try to be better. Predictions will be on the way tomorrow.

And as always... GO HOGS!!!

I'm Not Happy Giving

Winter has finally arrived. Football has passed mid season with playoffs and bowl games quickly approaching. Christmas lights are going up (yes, I’ve already seen some), and it is dark by the time I get home from work. With turkey day looming around the corner and holiday dessert gift baskets starting to arrive at the door steps, it’s damn near holiday season. The month or so from the end of November to the end of December is the most festive 30 days of the year, all centered around giving thanks, being with family and friends, and getting sweet presents. Even with all the good vibes, I’ve always had an internal conflict; which is better, Thanksgiving or Christmas?


The obvious answer is Christmas. Most everyone has childhood memories of looking forward to that one moment all year long where you wake up at the first hint of sunlight, realize the long wait is over, and make a mad dash for the Christmas tree and get to shreddin’ some wrapping paper. With age though, that feeling fades a little, and now days I don’t care to get out of bed on Christmas day until the crack of noon. I enjoy giving and receiving gifts, but I don’t enjoy eating top ramen for half the month because I blew my paycheck on iPods and diamond earrings. And something that will beat even the most joyful spirit out of me, Christmas Music. AHHHH!! Every time I go to get groceries, eat lunch, go to the gym, you name it there is Christmas music on. I can’t freakin stand it.

With that said, I now give you the Top 10 reasons I like Thanksgiving more than Christmas.

1. No one gets offended by not getting a Thanksgiving present. My presence alone is enough to make everyone happy. That’s the way it should be. Trying to figure out who you should or shouldn't give a gift to stressful, and there's not a bigger jackass feeling than receiving a package with a bow and having nothing to give back.

2. The food is better. Turkey and stuffing. Done deal. Sure the Christmas food is awesome too, but I don’t start drooling and day dreaming in mid October when someone mentions Christmas dinner. Tell me you've had a better sandwich than the one the day after Thanksgiving. Come on, I dare ya.

3. You always get a 4 day weekend. Christmas can pop up at weird times and getting Tuesday and Wednesday off work but having to go in on Monday and Thursday can ruin a trip and really mess up your holiday cheer. With Thanksgiving being on Thursday, you can get any traveling done Wednesday night and enjoy your PTO.

4. Thanksgiving is the perfect time for front yard football. You ain’t gonna work up that apetite searching for Black Friday specials my friend. Get out there and earn that post-meal nap with a good game of touch football (in laws are fair game for tackling).

5. **Spoiler Alert** Modern day Christmas is based on a make believe fat guy and flying deer. I’m not knocking Christmas as an entirety. I understand that we are celebrating the birth of little 8 pound 6 ounces…new born infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, but the sad truth is that that is secondary now days. It’s all about Tickle Me Elmo and Zhu Zhu Pets. Thank you Donald Draper. Thanksgiving is about not forgetting where you came from and knowing it could be a lot worse. Something we all need.

6. Pumpkin pie and pumpkin pie flavored things. Pumpkin pie was Gods gift to desserts. On more than one occasion I have sat down to eat an ENTIRE pumpkin pie. It's the only reason I don't go back for a third plate of food during dinner. There is a good chance I might try to make a Razorback themed pumpkin pie desert this year. I'll keep you posted.

7. It's OK to get wasted on Thanksgiving. You might be thinking "But I can get wasted on every Holiday. It's the only way I can make it through Midnight Mass". Well shame on you for having to get drunk before church, but the entire idea of Thanksgiving is getting everyone together to hang out and appreciate the good times. Sounds like a party to me! I got dibs on cousin Sal for beer pong.

http://www.ranker.com/list/5-reasons-that-make-it-ok-to-get-wasted-on-thanksgiving/elaineyo

8. Everyone celebrates Thanksgiving. You don't have to worry about wishing someone Happy Thanksgiving, where as you might wish one Merry Christmas only to find out they celebrate Hanukkah, Festivus, or Kwanzaa (although that should be hard to miss). I imagine Larry David could make a mess of this subject.

9. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Three hours of marching bands and giant balloons that would have scared the shit outta those Pilgrims in Plymouth. I'm a fan of a 10000 cubic foot Snoopy Balloon. Can you blame me? The Rockettes are never hard to wake up to either.

10. The final reason I like Thanksgiving more than Christmas is football. Lord, I am thankful for football. The rivalry game is upon us, and we’re going to win that damn boot or I’ll barf all the leftover turkey and liter of bloody mary I just inhaled. LSU is going down like corndogs at Coney Island. As a long time Cowboys fan as well, watching the Thanksgiving Day game is a family tradition.

I'll leave you with this final piece of history. Rotnie Clark went to town hitting 13 of 17 shots behind the arch. Here's his record breaking shot.

The Non-Hangover Friday Night

YooHoo Hog Faithful,

I think it is only fair that I be completely honest with you, I am soooo over football. This may have something to do with the fact that Razorboy can’t get enough, and thus my life is dictated by the SEC (primarily Alabama’s) football schedule. Don’t worry about me though; I have learned to cope. I read A LOT of books during football season.

Anyway, with all of the 11:21AM games this year, I thought it only fitting to share my Friday Night non-hangover plan with all of you. (Not that I always follow it…)

Dinner: YOU MUST CONSUME FOOD. I suggest something light. My go-to on Dickson is sushi. We always go to Wasabi because they have a college token and one of our fave bar tenders works there, Nick. I usually choose to switch off between Sake and light beer during dinner and make sure to suck down an entire glass of water before leaving.

Post-Dinner Drink: Head over to Theo’s for an Espresso Martini. It is delish and will give you energy to make it through the night. Red Bull is too much sugar for me and leaves me with a stomach ache, but this is just what I need to get the party started.

Kick it up a Notch: I would be remiss if I didn’t list Zooloo’s for $1 Jello Shots as a must. Just don’t get carried away. Two is plenty. I recommend red or blue. This is also a perfect time to chug water. This is what will keep that hangover at bay tomorrow.

Foot Loose and Fancy Free: By this time, I am the most fun girl on Dickson, or at least that is what I think. If I am wise, I stick to my drink of choice Kettle One and Water with Lime. I know, I know, I sound like an alcoholic, but honestly I could drink these all night and feel great in the morning. I don’t do well with sugar, so this works for me. Beware the shot buyers… This is where you will get in trouble. Do not let them stray you from your plan. The mixed shots are loaded with sugar and will get you sick quick. Dancing also helps to metabolize the alcohol, and at this point you are probably an awesome dancer.

Before bed: Drink a glass of water and take 2 Advil.

Viola!!! Hangover free. Kick the morning off with a Mimosa or a Bloody. Starting this early almost ensures a hangover by 5PM, but you will have made it through the game with flying colors.

Yours, Razorbelle

'Bout Time

How long have we had to suffer the Adidas sponsorship at the UofA? No team wants to wear Adidas apparel or gear (especially basketball; who's heard of Adidas basketball shoes?) unless they're a bunch of soccer fairies. Today, it was announced that Nike will take all apparel an footwear contracts for all the 19 Razorback teams on July 10, 2010. Granted, I think the Auburn football Under Armor contract is awesome, but the Nike contract will be way sweet. Bobby Petrino is huge on the team looking stylish in their uniforms; while discussing how important this is, he mentioned that his son thinks Cincinnati will continue to get good players even though their coach left because, "Their uniforms look tight." You can rest assured that from now on, our uniforms will look "tight."
This weekend the Hogs more than took care of business. In the second half, we controlled the game, but I really think this game was won in a few places.

1. The 7 snaps within the Arkansas ten yard line which led to 2 USC timeouts and only 3 Cock points. Amazing defensive stand, in my opinion. Lorenzo Ward, a former Arkansas defensive coach now SC Defensive Coordinator, knew a lot of our goal line sets. Knowing this, Willy Robinson changed all of our goal line sets this week just in case we got in that situation. Major props to Willy.
   
2. Ryan Mallett's arm is made of gold. I hope he has that thing insured. I said that RM v. the SC secondary was a major match-up to watch, and RM pulled down a huge victory. 23-27 and 329 yards is incredibly impressive against the SEC's best secondary. The only surprising thing here is that he didn't throw for any TD's. Oh well, it was good to get Broderick Green running like a man near the goal line.
   
3. Turnovers and penalties. We went into this game with a +8 turnover margin and left with a +9. That's good enough for top couple in the SEC and up there in the nation. The only turnover in the game was a pick in our end zone by Jerrel Norton, and proved to be the difference in the game. We were also only penalized once in the game for 5 yards. If you don't turn the ball over and don't get penalized, you're not guaranteed a win, but it makes things SO much easier. Well done, Bobby and staff. We need to hope this continues into next season after our early season penalty debacles.
   

This weekend we get the Trojans of Troy in Fayetteville; maybe if DMac would have been more familiar with the Trojans, he wouldn't be pouring out those child support checks. This shouldn't be a good game, but has a couple good story lines. First, before the season, Troy's coach (don't care to learn his name) claimed they would upset Arkansas this year. He's now retracted that claim. Big surprise. Second, Troy plays in the Sun Belt Conference, the same one as Arkansas State. For some unknown reason, A State fans continue to hold on to the belief that if they played the Razorbacks, they would undoubtedly win. This is horsefeathers; Troy beat stAte already this year, and we'll throttle Troy. I can't wait to tell my old co-worker (stAte 3 year letterman) that he's on crystal meth like Agassi.

Airplane Mode

I'm currently writing DSD from 35,000 ft on a flight from Dallas to Little Rock. This is a first for the fledgling blog, but I felt that I couldn't leave the readers without their weekly predictions. Given the current circumstances, this will be an abridged (I know many are happy to hear this) version, brought to you in an aptly titled "Airplane Mode."

- Isnt technology great? Not only am I able to blog from mid-air, but our players will soon have state of the art facilities to break down film and create in depth game plans to take on the teams of the SEC. Thank you Jeff Long for making this happen. With these improvements, Coach Petrino will be able to do even more with his prolific offense in the coming years, which is scary to think about on many levels

- There will be lots of air time in the game that pits two offensive geniouses against each other. Unfortunately, this is going to make for a very long day for both secondaries, buti believe the Hogs will prevail. If USCE made Johnathon Crompton look good, expect Ryan Mallett to look truly Heisman. Mark my words... The campaign begins tomorrow

- I'm sitting on he plane next to someone who looks like they could be Mrs. Spurrier. Older, but has aged well, drinking vodka at 2:45 in the afternoon, and sporting a nice platinum Rolex with lots of diamonds. Which brings me to my point. I love to hate Spurrier, but without Florida recruiting he's turned into a figurehead rather than a leader. The Old Ball Coach foiled Petrino last year, and I think Coach P has a score to settle. Look for the offense to keep rolling off of last week's performance, and look for them to score early often

- Special teams will finally get the runback they've been looking for since Dennis Johnson took it 91 yds on the opening kickoff of the season. Last week they got it done with a punt block (which was subsequently shoveled into he endzone) for a TD, but this one will happen the traditional way. Dennis, I've been calling your name all season, now it's time to deliver

The last time I watched the Hogs take on South Carolina in Fayetteville, I saw the greatest rushing performance in modern SEC history. Thank you Darren McFadden for what you showed all of us that day. Hopefully tomorrow we will get to see something as special as 321, but that will be very hard to beat.

Well crew, it's time to make the final approach into Little Rock. The whiskey drink has gotten me prepared for the next 36 hours of my life, and I'm ready to finally be in God's Country. Soon enough... Soon enough!

As always, GO HOGS!!!

The Old Ball Coach

We approach Razorback Stadium tomorrow morning at a true fork in the road:
1. Win this game, remain in contention for respectable bowls, put the confidence back in a team that lost it, in a true heart breaker, to Florida.
2. Lose this game, possibly don't make a bowl, under-acheive according to pre-season expectations, lose the support of the majority of fans (not me).
My preseason prediction was 8-4. What had to happen for us to go 8-4? We had to jump up and beat someone we weren't supposed to: Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Ole Miss, or LSU. Well, through four of those games, we haven't done it, and the only possibility we have left is LSU, and you know we'll get hype for this one. The game tomorrow will dictate whether this season is a bust or not; that's it and that's all.
Things to look for:

1. Ryan Mallet and the receiving corps versus one of the best pass defenses in the country: This will be as much of a challenge as Alabama and Florida were. Are we ready? Have we matured? Having Joe Adams back is priceless. He's given the receivers a much needed spark and some lineman a much needed shot in the nuts.
2. Big Red, Sue E, and Pork Chop versus Cocky: This will be an equally aggressive matchup. Over the years, Cocky has won many mascot awards (Capital One Mascot of the Year in 2003 and All-Mascot team in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2007, and 2008). The team of Razorback mascots go in as the underdog, but should get the win because, well there's three of them and they have tusks. Also, it's always uncomfortable fighting women, and I bet she's a scrapper. I've checked the sex of Pork Chop before with inconclusive results, so he's a real wild card here.
   
3. Tusk versus a bird: While this bird has spurs, he's no match for tusk. He's really got an amazing advantage in weight ratio and gets the nod here.
   
4. Bobby Petrino versus the Old Ball Coach: Now here's an interesting match up. BP spent years studying film of Spurrier when he coached at Florida and should be able to give the Mustache a lift on the defensive side of the ball. Bob's never been a defensive coach, but his knowledge of Spurrier's offense should help this week.
5. Me versus another hangover before an early game: I have a secret weapon: mimosas. Expect me to be victorious even if I have to pre-game purge.
   

The game this weekend should be exciting, and I'm hoping and praying for a win. Let's bring the Hog faithful support and go back to the DMac ways of owning SC.
Woo Pig
Beat the Cocks (haha)

Final Road Trip

Football season is kind of like Christmas morning... you wait all year for it, and before you realize it's already over. This is not saying that there isn't a lot of football left to be played, but this will be the last time that I make the drive up I-540. It is possibly my favorite drive in the entire nation. It's 45 miles of pure mountainous bliss which ends with a sign that says "University of Arkansas, Next Right." Tomorrow night I will crest that final hill, just past Greenland, and I'll see the Old Main on the horizon for one final time this Fall... truly bittersweet.

In less than 36 hours Hog fans from all over will start the final SEC tailgate of the season in God's country. Some will start with boggs in the parking lot at Baum Stadium at George Cole Field (my second love), while others will try and drink away a hangover underneath the jumbotron in The Pit. After the game, no matter the outcome, Hog fans will descend on Dickson to take car bombs and jell-o shots, and hopefully make it all the way to closing time. It is guaranteed to be one incredible day of drunkeness, as it always is.

While we all hope for a Razorback win over the Old Ball Coach, we will likely forget the outcome of the game in due time (unless Mallett throws for 10 TDs in true DMac 321 yard fashion). What we will remember is another season of memories at Donald W. Reynolds Razorback Stadium watching our favorite team, and it will lead to another 8 months of longing for football season to come again. So Hog fans, enjoy what's coming this weekend, because it's a very special tradition that we partake in every fall, and one that gets better and better every year.



Predictions are on the horizon...

It's Getting Better... Sort Of

I think if you asked any Hog fan going into September, they would've taken 4-4 at this point in the season. Too many people, myself included, got too caught up in some of the hype that surrounded a completely unproven team. Subsequently, we got our hopes ripped limb from limb after watching a win against Auburn bookended by back to back SEC losses. But it's got to be looking better, right? In a few short words, I really think it is.

1. For starters, Arkansas has beaten the teams they were supposed to beat, and they've done so in style. The game this past weekend proved that our offense is one of the most dynamic in the nation, and I hope scoring at will will give this team the confidence they need going into the final four games of the regular season.

2. Bobby Petrino is really starting to get away from the stigma that surrounded his exit at Hotlanta, and has started to be a coach fans can get behind. Maybe this will come back to haunt us in the future, but that's like worrying about your Playboy playmate girlfriend cheating on you... no need to worry about the future as long as she's yours now!

3. Joe Adams is back! Wow. I honestly didn't realize how incredible this kid is, but it is evident in his playmaking abilities that he displays week in and week out. I'm not saying we would have beaten Ole Miss had he played that game, but I think Florida is a definite W. He is a gamechanger, and it's wonderful to see him back on the field.

4. We have an actual home stretch. Four games in a row at home is HUGE after having to play at Alabama, at Florida, and at Ole Miss. And let's not forget the fact that we also played in the Death Star, which wasn't exactly a 100% Hog friendly environment. I'm glad this team gets to play several games in a row without traveling and without having to deal with the hazards of the road.

5. Ole Miss sucks. I actually got up on Saturday morning and started drinking at 11 a.m. just to root for Auburn. I'd like to think that Springdale Holiday Inn and I helped to cheer on Gus Malzahn to victory over HDN. While I know my alcoholism had nothing to do with Auburn's win, I know that I loved that Ole Miss loss as much as I loved the Hogs beating up on a terrible opponent.

It's been a nice and quiet week in Hog headlines (except for a that whole special prosecutor investigating our basketball team thing) and I think it's exactly what I needed going into the final four games of the season. I'm looking forward to being in God's country for game on Saturday, and I can't wait to kick of Thanksgiving week with a good old fashioned tailgate at War Memorial Stadium. It may not be exactly what we had hoped for Hog fans, but honestly... it's getting better.

Go Hogs!!!

Saturday Night Spooktacle

I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. Dammit, not matter how many times I say it I just can't make myself believe. This has been one of the toughest weeks of Razorback fandom for me in many many many years, and it just doesn't get any easier. We are to the point that no matter how many wins (I'll say four) that we get in the next five games, the season is still a tough pill to swallow. I wanted a win against Georgia, Bama, Florida, and certainly Ole Miss, and we went 0-4. Boom... Roasted.

There comes a time when you have to just move on, and hopefully this week the I'll be able to do that. Luckily, the Hogs get what will hopefully be their easiest opponent of the year in Eastern Michigan. I know very little about this team, but from all sources they should be a nice cupcake to give this team a little dose of confidence they so greatly need. And for once, we actually get a night time game. This means that I won't be forced to get up at the crack of dawn and start taking pulls out of a bottle of Stoli, rather I get to do it out of my own free will.

No matter what happens Friday, as long as the Hogs destroy the visitors from Detroit (pronounced De-twah if you want to be fancy), it's going to be a good day. At some point I'm probably going to decide that I actually do want to participate in Halloween festivities and I'll head to the store to pick up candy for trick-or-treaters. I might even dawn a costume and make my way to a bar to see how many Dallas girls are dressed as french maids. At the end of the night I'll realize that it's daylight savings time, and instead of enjoying an extra hour of sleep, I'll decide to enjoy an extra hour of drink. So, to pay my respects to the coming Day of the Dead, I present an extra spooky, sort of terrifying, mostly unoriginal, SEC Predictions from Beyond the Grave.

• Arkansas v. Eastern Michigan - The scariest thing on the field for this one is going to be the re-introduction of the ugliest uniforms the Hogs have ever dawned in a game. I saw these pants in person at the Cotton Bowl where Mizzou EMBARRASSED the Razorbacks for 60 minutes, and from the second the team took the field I knew it was going to be a long day. If the game on Saturday is remotely close, please take my advice and burn these pants. On a side note, there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss seeing #5 running the ball from our backfield. We miss you DMAC!!!
• Ole Miss v. Auburn - It looks like the ghost of 2008 has decided to raise from the grave, as the Auburn Tigers once again got off to a blistering pace, but have since done absolutely nothing. I'm not sure if it's team chemistry (there are rumors that some players aren't happy that Cody Burns got benched... you can read between the lines there), lack of preparation, or opponents figuring out Saint Malzahn's scheme, but they're hurting. This week would be a perfect example of a typical HDN letdown game, but if they stick with the gameplan of All Dexter All The Time they should take this one pretty handily
• Kentucky v. Mississippi State - The thought of these two teams battling it out is scary enough to make me want to gouge my eyes out. I can honestly say that I do not care about any aspect of this game, other than I hope Mississippi State loses so that we might bump ahead of them in the SEC West
• Florida v. Georgia - This guy... THIS GUY. There is something about this game that I absolutely love. Maybe it's because it's the Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party on Earth, or maybe because it's played in a neutral field, but I love it. I wish I could witness this in person (if for no other reason than to see UGA girls in their Halloween costumes), and hopefully one day I'll get the pleasure. Alas (and alack), I just don't see the Tebows having a letdown this week. Florida takes this one 2 touchdowns
• Tennessee v. South Carolina - Both teams need this win! Tennessee needs it to help vindicate their hiring of Layne Kiffen, and the Old Ball Coach has to have it to keep his solid bowl hopes alive. I think this game goes ugly early, and the turnover numbers are going to be the story of the week out East. In the end, Old Ball Coach keeps his teams good bowl hopes alive by taking down the Vols
• Tulane v. LSU - Blow out in Death Valley! If LSU wins out and takes the SEC Championship, they will play in Pasadena... I realize this is a big "if," but don't rule it out

We are about 27 hours away from kickoff in God's country, and I will not be in attendance to this affair. However, next week I'll be taking a nice three day weekend to head up to God's country to meet up with 72,000 of my closest friends. Hog fans, it's time to take care of business.

As always... GO HOGS!!!

Rule #1: Love thy Razorbacks

This entry will serve as my eulogy to a recent favorite of Hog Nation, with myself as self-appointed President: "Houston Hating."

From this day forward, I vow that my dislike of Houston D. Nutt shall never grow larger than the love of my Razorbacks. I shall not concentrate on hating Houston more than loving the Razorbacks.

When did the Springdale Holiday Inn come to this revelation? During the final minutes of the game on Saturday, for which I was unfortunate enough to be present. As the clock wound down and it became painfully clear that the Hogs would not be in contention for the Cotton Bowl, I realized how much it hurt to lose this game. The pain came not from my disdain for the coach of the other team, but from my incredible and endless love for the Razorbacks. I will admit that the "Houston Nutt" chant from the rest of the high school quality Vaught-Hemingway Stadium added quite a bit of salt to the already gaping wound in my heart.

As my friends and I left Oxford as fast as possible, with our twisty little Hog tails between our legs, it dawned upon me that it didn't matter at all who the coach of the other team was. This game at this specific point in the season was so big for us that it could have been LSU or South Carolina that had just shoved the business end of an ice pick into my heart and it wouldn't have hurt any more or less had that coach been King Corndog or The Elderly Visor.

I will still continue to occasionally make fun of HDN for his Houston calls (you know what I mean) and I will still hate to hear him say how one of his players is a "winner" or how big said player's heart is, so all of the fun's not over. However, I will cease to focus on HDN and Ole Miss and will instead focus even more on my Arkansas Razorbacks.

I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan, but I don't feel too bad if they lose. I am an Arkansas Razorback and I feel absolutely terrible when we lose. I'm quite certain if you've found your way to this blog, that you feel the same way, especially at the crux of our football season last weekend.

In conclusion Razorback Nation, I emplore you to put the Hatorade down and just start sending that love vibe to our team. Also, I shall remain as the Springdale Holiday Inn in remembrance of the past....it still makes me laugh.

Cancelling my unlmited texting plan as we speak,

Springdale Holiday Inn

Why I am the Bad Guy

Again, painful. I'm the bad guy because I acknowledge that life goes on after a loss...even to HDN. Again, I'm not ready for humor yet so here it is. Losses are never fun, but we now know that some losses are less fun than others. We talked about what could have been in Florida until Thursday, and were convinced we were a better team than Ole Miss. We were wrong. Oh well, Houston Nutt isn't our head coach, and we got that going for us. 

A win will be nice this weekend against some directional school that's not even worth talking about. It's homecoming, and it's the best time of the year in Fayetteville, AR. Those of you attending will hopefully be treated to some changing leaves and a nice fall chill in the air. 

DJ Williams?? Is he still on the team? 

Somebody get our receiving corps some Stick-em. (At least bring a couple toilet paper rolls to practice. Props to those who understand this). 

I just saw a preview for movie about Michael Oher's life. From what I understand, he's a great guy with truly great story. Drawbacks of the film: HDN is in it as...wait for it...the coach of the University of Arkansas; that's sure to incite nausea. That's officially my last HDN bashing until next season, I promise I'll find some new material.

On an unrelated note, I'm really pumped about this:

The Turning Point

This is it. This is the week we've all be waiting for. This is the time for the Hogs to officially step it up, and it's their time to prove themselves to the nation that wrote them off roughly two years ago. As fans, we honestly can't be much happier with what we've seen transpire on The Hill over the last 18 games. We have gotten the chance to see a team grow, to develop, to raise the bar, and to create an atmosphere of winning that hasn't been seen on campus since the early 90's when the Nolan Richardson had his kids playing 40 Minutes of Hell. Hog fans, this is the team we've been waiting for.

Obviously these are rather high praises to give a bunch of sophomores and freshmen that are 3-3 on the season, but I believe in what I see. And the reason, because I honestly think that Coach Petrino has his team believing everything I just wrote. This is not a team that is going to harp on some bad calls that might have cost them the game. These guys aren't going into Saturday looking for petty revenge over what was a notably dramatic shift of coaching staffs. This is a group of guys that goes out to play every game with a disciplined and well planned strategy. They have one goal week in and week out, to execute. And with execution will come wins... lots of them.

So here we sit at the turning point of our season. Predictions all year had us being 3-3 going into the game vs. Ole Miss, and that's where we are. Ole Miss has started what was supposed to be their dream season with a resounding THUD, going 1-2 in conference and beating up on a bunch of nobody schools (in the 4th quarter). Arkansas has underachieved at times, but their recent appearance in The Swamp has a lot of people looking for Arkansas to be the next big thing in the SEC. With this being said, I believe it's safe to say that this is the biggest game both teams will play all year, and will determine who goes to Dallas on January 3rd, and who is stuck in Memphrica ringing in 2010.

So who takes it? Do the Rebels finally decide that they are as good as many said they should be? Does Jevan Snead stop playing like a big ol' bag full of mashed up a**holes and start playing like the Heisman hopeful he once was? Or is it Arkansas, fresh off almost upsetting the #1 team in the nation on the road, that comes into the Grove looking for revenge (on so many levels)? In an effort to answer these questions, and in honor of the recent introduction of the lottery in the Great State of Arkansas, this round of predictions comes to you as an Ode to the Arkansas Powerball.

And the first number is:

• #91 - Jake Bequette has really come of his own on the defense recently, and from what I've heard he's made tremendous strides. It is evident on the field that he is playing with a new found passion to get to the QB, and his performances against Auburn and Florida have shown that this Catholic High alum truly has football running through his blood. Get ready for a third great SEC performance, and he will be the defensive player of the game

Our second number of the night:

• #7 - The number of 3rd down conversions Arkansas must have on Saturday. I realize the offense is explosive, and I understand that a 42 yard pass is almost run of the mill for Mallett and company, but they cannot be a successful football team on a regular basis if they do not complete more 3rd downs. Ole Miss has not shown many signs of being the same defense they were a year ago, but if they can back up the Arkansas offense on 3rd down, their D-line could have a lot of shots to get to the QB, which is never good considering Mallett's mobility

Coming down the shoot:

• #4 - The number of turnovers the Hog defense will get off of Jevan Snead by the end of the night. Never has a QB fallen so quickly from grace as has Snead. He's been tested week in and week out... and has failed. Alabama (the best team in the nation) made the Ole Miss defense look anemic at best, and Snead was unable to get anything done. To boot, he was at home. Unless that powerhouse win over UAB last week did something for his confidence, look for a few fumbles and almost certainly a pair of interceptions

The fourth number of the night:

• #24 - This is the number of points the Hogs will score in the first half to stun the Rebels into submission early. The Hog offense will show it's ability to score early and often against a top notch defense, and look for Mallet and the receivers to be on their best game. They missed a ton of opportunities late in the game against Florida, and they're looking to prove they deserved a W in Gainsville

The fifth number coming to you:

• #2 - Alex Tejada bounces back from what was one of the more difficult kicking blunders of his four year career at Arkansas. I'm not saying he hits a fifty yard game winner or anything, but he'll be perfect on the day, with numerous extra points and even a couple of nice field goals. He's been here before, he knows how to deal with it, and much like Casey Dick against LSU last year, he'll want to play well in his senior season and knows how to do it

And for the sixth and final Powerball:

• #33 - I was off two weeks ago when I said that Wingo would be the breakout young back behind Michael Smith. As it turns out, it was Dennis Johnson, and he has been sensational in every aspect of his game. DJ is at his best when the team is counting on him, and this is evidenced by his dominance in special teams returns, and his incredible performance as a starter against a heralded Florida defense. With the way he's playing, I say if DJ wants it, DJ gets it

So there you have it folks, your winning Powerball Lottery #'s are 91, 7, 4, 24, 2, and the Powerball 33.

On a side note, this will be my first SEC road game I'll get to see in person, and I couldn't be more excited. Last week I got the pleasure of attending Texas v. OU in the Cotton Bowl, and while I hate both teams, it was truly an awesome experience. This week I get to back it up with The Grove, and two weeks from now I'll be in God's Country once again to see the Old Ball Coach come to town. It's going to be a truly great 4 week stretch!

And as always... GO HOGS!

On My Way Home to God's Country

Razorbelle here, coming to you from the Charlotte airport. I came out for work, but had the distinct pleasure of hanging out with some great friends last night. I unfortunately missed my first flight home, but will be back this afternoon to watch the big game from the comfort of my living room tomorrow.

*** I need to add the shirt below to my “What Not to Wear” List (it has been at all the local Walmarts in Northwest Arkansas.

Unfortunately, I think I may have actually contracted Swine Flu while in Charlotte.

I am limited on time, but I thought I would share a perfect tailgate drink recipe with you. This was a big hit at a party I had recently, and would be perfect for a morning tailgate at the Grove.

Bourbon Punch:

1 part Bourbon
1 part Pre-Mixed Lemonade
1 part Pre-Mixed Sweet Tea
Lemons

This looks great in a pitcher. Just slice up some lemons and throw them in the pitcher. Add equal amounts Bourbon, Lemonade, and Sweet Tea. Pour over ice and enjoy.

For those of you that wretch at the smell of bourbon, this sweetness of the Tea and the sourness of the Lemonade help to neutralize the taste of the bourbon.

For all those headed to the game this weekend, have so much fun, and call the Hogs for me. Also, congratulations to Brad and Lauren who are getting married this weekend. Love you both!

Yours- Razorbelle

Alack and alas! The Houston Nutt Show!

I shall disrespectfully disagree with that lie stated by CollegeTokens that we (Razorback Nation) as a whole do not hate Houston Nutt that much. Yes we do!

Why hate such a great coach that has called so many great calls in big games (albeit the same calls, on the same drive) that worked (sometimes)? Why hate someone that had some of the best players in college football through his recruiting? Why hate such a great person that has single-handedly kept the Springdale Holiday Inn in business? Why do we still despise Houston Nutt?

I'll answer these questions with a listing of affectionate nicknames that I have gathered from other Houston fans:

Hooter Dale

Springdale Holiday Inn Platinum Member

AT&T Unlimited Texting Member

Used Car Salesman

The Coach That Was Fired

The Dork

The QB Killa

How Bout that Play, Chuck

Murray State Mafia
Option Left, Option Left, Option Right, Punt
dive, dive, pass to peyton hillis in the flats, punt.

mcfadden, mcfadden, incomplete, punt.

sack, sack, draw, punt.

off tackle, off tackle, 8 yard route when we need 10 yards, punt

Smoke Screen

Third and Long

Just So Close

National Title Under Construction

The Lucky Rollercoaster

The Man Who Sat on a Semi-functional Lucky Horseshoe
Not One to Bragg
Head Cheerleader
Pass the Buck
D-Bragg

A lot of it boils down to "what could have been." Let's ask ourselves what Bobby Petrino could have done with Felix Jones and Darren McFadden in his backfield. 'Nuff said. Yes, HDN had some great recruits, but given the quality of certain recruits, it was heart-wrenching to see that talent wasted so many times by horrible play calling, general game management and in general blaming other people for his mistakes failures and taking credit for successes.

Another reason we really, really dislike Hooter Dale is due to the way he left us. I will compare it to a bad breakup with a hot girl that you dated for ten years. You guys were up and down and every time you thought you'd be happy as ever, that hoodrat cheats on you! Then she makes it up to you and does something amazing (like beating Texas) and everything is good again and those thoughts of breaking it off with her are long gone. Repeat up and down at least 4 times a year (season.) When you finally reach the end of the relationship, that hoodrat breaks up with you (the nerve!) right before you could break it off. Then she starts dating your slightly uglier and less intelligent (I call it the Oxford for stupid people) best friend. Now you have to see your ex and your ex best friend all the time. The worst part is that your ex-best friend is falling for the exact same up and down that you were put through for your entire relationship! Alack and alas! The Houston Nutt Show is still on air, only in a different geographic area.

Please comment about your favorite HDN nickname and please feel free to add new ones.

Live, Local, Latebreaking,

The Springdale Holiday Inn

Hoculied

It's been three days and I believe I'm finally ready to come to terms with what happened. I'm only going to write two paragraphs, as that's all I have left in me when it comes to thinking about what the nation saw on display at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. I'm pretty sure if I had actually been in attendance I would have had not choice but to start my favorite high school chant... "Nuts and bolts, nuts and bolts, we... got... SCREWED!!!" I have never in seen a game that was officiated in such a biased manner. It was so bad that even Gary Danielson managed to stop talking about Tim Tebow long enough to comment on how Arkansas was the better team on the field, and how the refs obviously had no idea what they were doing.

So here's what it comes down to. Arkansas was the better team on the field last Saturday, plain and simple. Our defense was better. Our offense was better. Our coaching was better. The Hogs had that win from the get go, and it was only because of a bunch of jackass zebras that they were cost what was rightfully theirs, a W. What makes it even worse was the SEC's response to the whole deal, merely saying that there was no reason the Personal Foul should have been called. But the fact of the matter is, there were about 45 yards worth of penalties that the Gators were given out of utter stupidity and love for the team that was supposed to win. These guys have been shown to be incompetent on many levels, and there is no reason why they should still have their jobs. But alas, this exact same crew will be in Oxford on Saturday making sure that Houston Nutt has a chance to win (just like they did last year in Fayetteville). Mike Slive, I HIGHLY question what on earth is going on over there in Atlanta.

Painful...but time

Well, I think we've all been avoiding being the first to post after the tough loss this weekend, for obvious reasons. I guess I'll be the one to tackle it. It's too early for me to joke about the loss; sorry if you're looking for me to be jovial.

I think we all feel the same about the game, and I can say, honestly, I wasn't at all surprised about the results. I told you I was drinking the Kool-Aid last weekend and gave you at least 4 good reasons why you guys should have been drinking also. I really don't want to dwell on the game because it hurts, but here's just a few points that stayed with me after the game.

1. Whether it's Vanderbilt or Florida, you can't leave points on the field in the SEC. By my conservative calculations, we left 18 points on the field. I feel unbelievably bad for Alex Tejada, and knowing some of his family, I can't imagine how hard it is for him to wake up in the morning after a game like that. I'm still behind the kid and know he just needs to get his head right and could be a great kicker (this probably isn't the predominant opinion of all the contributors to DSD). Just as much blame for this loss should be left on the shoulders of Ryan Mallett. He missed at least two open guys in the end zone, and could have made Tejada's job much easier. Don't forget the play at the end of the first half where our receivers knocked each other over in what could have been a TD and what could have been a great catch made by Greg Childs in the end zone. Sure, Florida left some points on the field too, but it was probably only 14 points at best. That still gives us the win.

2. The Hogs D is SO much better than they were in the first three games. Granted, the whole defense is better, but having Elton Ford back from injury has totally changed the swagger of the Hat Tappers. Jake Bequette has been playing like a man since the TAMU game much to my surprise. I get to talk to his high school coaches often, and they seriously don't believe how far he's come. Stadther, Sheppard, Franklin, Nelson, and Burton all deserve a few slegehammers on the helmet. The pressure our D-line and blitzing linebackers are getting on QB's is giving our fairly weak secondary a nice cushion.

3. Going into this game, I really did expect a close game. I truly believed we had a chance of winning the game, but it was for all different reasons than those which kept us close. I would have said that Mallett and the receivers would be the stars of the show, not our defense. Shows what I know.

4. It's hard to beat Florida in the Swamp, but it's even harder to beat them when the officiating crew is clearly protecting their #1 rank. The personal foul on Sheppard should be reviewed by the league and the man who called it should lose his job. This is coming from a man who VERY rarely complains about the officiating because I can usually see it going both ways. Not so this weekend. That wasn't the only bad call, but I just can't bring myself to keep dwelling on what should have been.

Let's look forward. This weekend we face, what I consider, our biggest game of the year, and while that loss was heartbreaking, I think we'll come out incredibly confident. I'll leave the Jevan Snead predictions to Crown Pub, and let you know that we'll be ready. Look for this to be a big week on DSD considering the this coaching match-up.

Isaiah 9:6*

Hog fans, I'm going to lead off this pregame predictions thread with a little story. This is a story that many of you are familiar with, and you have undoubtedly heard it in some form or fashion throughout your entire lives. The story is one replicated thoughout time, whether it is about a turtle that just keep plodding along or Little Engine that thinks he can. This story was recently played out in front of the entire world, as a community organizer somehow was elected to lead the most powerful country in the world, all because he said the words "hope" and "change". This, hog fans, is the story of David and Goliath (slightly altered to reflect current events and situations).

It was a warm sunny morning in the marshes of the Southeast. Fans came from all around to watch what was touted to be just another victory on the road to take the promised land. They sat in the stands, prepared for what was undoubtedly going to be a bloodbath, as they had listened to the media's undying love and adoration for the one from Gainsville a little too much. The battle had been all but won, and it had yet to even begin... or so it seemed.

When both teams took the field, men wearing jorts and women with big hair swooned over their leader. He had been proclaimed the second coming by certain announcers, and had previously been given awards that deserved to go to others. He yelled at his comrades to play harder after a lapse in performance the previous year, and at no point had such a widely acclaimed leader sounded so gay. He guaranteed victories, and until this day, had delivered on his promise.

However, something happened on this warm day in October that shocked the world. The second coming ran across a group that wasn't scared. This group wasn't concerned by the best defense in the land, and really didn't understand why people were so fascinated by a guy who liked to circumcize Phillipino boys. They saw their opponents for what they were... just another team. For sixty minutes the two teams battled, and a fierce battle it was. Blows were exchanged, and lives were taken (figuratively, of course). After a long day filled with WAAYYY too many commercial breaks, a new leader emerged. A new #15 came to the forefront as he captained his team to the most unlikely of victories... and the gods rejoiced. This, Hog Fans, is the story of Mallett and Tebow.

I understand the chances of this story actually playing out are probably in the 10:1 range, but hey, it's certainly fun to think about. Which leads me into what will hopefully be another stellar round of predictions in this addition I like to call The Gospel According to Bobby.

• Bobby 1:15 - There are some people in this world that are natural born leaders, and this fact is undeniable. Some people put themselves in the position to influence a great number of people with their actions, both on and off the field, and you can't deny that Tim Tebow has fit this mold. All kidding aside, he seems like a really great guy, and had he not stolen D-Mac's Heisman, I think I could actually root for him. Saturday however is a different story. Be prepared to see a new #15 emerge as the future of college football. When Mallet keeps us close, and maybe even pull off the huge win, be prepared to hear nothing but praise for him from Gary Danielson and Verne Lundquist for the next 2 years. (Note: Figure out who is roommate is, because you'll here his name a lot too)
• Bobby 3:21 - Games aren't won on paper, but it's certainly a good place to start. The Hogs are outmatched across the board, and the media has made sure to tell us this time and time again. Even when people say that the Hogs offense will be the best that Florida has seen all season, they go on to predict we'll only score one touchdown. This will not be the case. The Hogs will score AT LEAST 3 touchdowns, and if Petrino's game plan is actually working it could be even more. If we are to win this game, it's because Bobby and Paul find a way to beat the Florida D with play calling... followed by excellent execution
• Bobby 4:13 - Life is not worth living if you don't have any fun. If you can't be relaxed coming into a game as 27 point underdogs, when can you be??? Expect to see the Hogs come out on Saturday with a different type of swagger, and expect a completely different team than what showed up to Tuscaloosa. And I think I might consider making any Hog that mocks Superman in any way shape or form my #1 player of the year
• Bobby 6:9 - Balance is the key to success. I mentioned last week how the Razorback running game was going to be the star of the show, and this was partially true. They finally had the breakout game they needed out of Smith, and Broderick Green finally pounded in the short TD runs. With #21 questionable, I'd like to see an underclassman (Wingo) emerge as the next back to lead the running game. The running game lets the passing game succeed in this one, and DJ Williams will get more of the ball
• Bobby 10:13 - Expect great things from here on out. No matter the outcome of this game, the rest of the season looks great for the Hogs. At the beginning of the year, people were saying 7-5 or 6-6 would be all we could achieve. Some prognosticators said the team was 9-3 bound, while others said it would be a max of 8-4. At the half way point in the season, the Hogs will likely be 3-3. During the next six games, we only play one team that is worth a damn (South Carolina, you still suck and will get your asses kicked in Tuscaloosa), and by the twelth game of the season we might really be rolling. I'm going to leave the predictions up to you, but it could be a fun 6 game stretch

On a side note, the other games around the SEC are kind of hard to root for this weekend. I'd like to see Vanderbilt beat UGA, but that really doesn't make us look all that hot. The Mississippi schools play two Middle of Nowhere States, so there is nothing to see there. Alabama is going to continue their march to Atlanta, and Auburn gets to bounce back from their terrible performance in Fayetteville by travelling to Lexington. All in all, not much to see here.

This Saturday, as every other Saturday in the Fall, will be filled with lots of booze and lots of football. We'll wake up on Sunday, try to remember the big plays what randomly racist comment Lou Holtz said to Mark May the night before, drink a beer to get over the hangover, and wish we could do it all over again. Could life get any better... I think not.

GO HOGS!

*If you have to ask, you need some serious Churching in your life

Sunshine

It seems the sun hasn't shined in Arkansas in ages, and I heard a stat three days ago that it's rained 11 out of the last 12 days. Make that 14 of 15. Despite all this gloom in the weather, it seems the sun is shining in Hog Country brighter than its shined since our basketball team beat Oklahoma and Texas last season (see total eclipse of the sun). It seems "Sunshine" Rick Schaeffer's attitude has rubbed off on every Hog fan and for good reason.

The only thing I listen to on the radio is the Buzz, but two weeks ago, you couldn't pay me to listen to the backwoods bubbas calling in asking if it was time for a change at D-coordinator. My how the tables have turned just two short weeks later. All of the sudden, most of the predictions heard from Hog fans actually FAVOR Arkansas against the nation's top ranked team. Granted, our talent isn't what Florida's is, and we'll see the second best defense in the country on Saturday (while ranked first statistically, I believe we already saw the first), but we have an offense good enough to counter this. Last week, before Auburn, I quoted some interesting stats to show that, while Auburn's much improved, the past history shows that when we played Auburn, stats don't matter. I'm not doing that this week because...check any stat...we lose.


So, here are my reasons why we beat Florida this weekend:


1. Ryan Mallett looked flustered against Alabama and lost some of his fundamentals. That won't happen this weekend. He's more mature after just two games, and he'll be able to step up in the pocket under pressure and make throws or scramble for a few. Against Auburn we learned that Mallett is not just a statue of himself (and he did too). The coaches and players seem to be on the same page and ready to win.


2. Our fans don't wear jorts (an neither does our starting QB).


3. This is a trap game for the Raging Tebows. As much as Meyer talks about how good we looked against Auburn and how we dominated all aspects of the game, Meyer has to know his players are already looking ahead to a Bama matchup. Meyer's teams usually lose one and wake up the next day regretting losing while thinking to themselves, "I can't believe we lost to them last night." Thanks Superbad, "We could be that guy!"

4. Win or lose, the messiah is still getting drafted this year. It may be late, but he'll get drafted. He'll have a less than pedestrian NFL career, give up football, and go into his passion, cutting foreskin off males in third world countries. Trust me, there's going to be a job opening for in "the biz" for him when he hangs up the cleats, and I'm sure nearly every preacher in the state of Florida would give up their wife or mistress to have him behind the pulpit. Not to mention, victorious or not, Tebow could still get with this girl:


In the words of Crown Pub, "Gunga Ga Gunga!! Those are some serious sweater cows." So, this game means nothing to the Tebows because, A) Tebow's personal career path is set (disgusting, but set), and he has nothing to gain here and B) The team knows they can still win a NC if they lose a game (see the loss to the Used Car Salesman last year).

So, call me a homer, give me the reasons the Hogs shouldn't win, but I'm not only drinking the Kool-Aid, I'm spiking it.

Go Hogs!
Beat the messiah and his 21 disciples!
Bells Paulsy out!

Hogs Near & Far

Since moving from the beautiful South and getting a job in DC, football season has changed for me. I'm lucky to make it down for 2 games/season, and I love every minute I'm home. However, when I can't afford a plane ticket to AR, I am comforted to know there is a Razorback Watch Party here in DC. Every Saturday, Arkansans get together at our "home bar" Penn Quarter Sports Tavern to yell Wooo Pig Sooie! We arrive early to claim our section, buy our discounted pitchers of beer, sport our favorite red t-shirts, clap loud enough for the players to hear us, and even go out to celebrate a W as if we were on Dickson. Some of us work on Capitol Hill for the AR Senators and Congressmen so we prepare for the watch party all week. Our group grows every season with new interns and fresh graduates hoping to find a job. The age of attendees ranges from 18-65 with long time fans who call Arkansas home. We even invite non Hog fans in successful attempts to teach them the Hog Call and how to bash HDN. Often times we have to share the same floor at the bar with other SEC fans including UGA and Ole Miss - - this just means we have to yell louder to show em whose Boss. DC Gal on the Fly will be bringing you updates on attendance, crazy stories from after the games, and even watch party pictures. See this video for Q and Stan's celebration after the Auburn win:
~DC Gal on the Fly

The Crown Pub Show

One of the most enjoyable parts of the week after a big win is looking back at all of the moments and remembering how great the Hogs looked on the field. In a way, there are never enough highlights. ESPN never seems to play that 5 yard touchdown scamper by a far from stealthy Ryan Mallett. And how on earth did they miss the 70 yard kickoff return by one of the most electrifying return men in the game, Dennis Johnson? To add insult to injury, Sports Illustrated's look back at the Top 25 in pictures showed an Auburn D-back (names McFadden ironically enough) intercepting a deep ball thrown by #15. But despite all of this, it's still all good.

However, there comes a time to move on and to start looking to the opponent ahead. I realize that the coaches and players were already moving on at about 3pm last Saturday, but as fans we love to revel in a good old fashioned ass kicking. So when is the proper time to move on? In my own experience, I have finally gotten my fill after watching one of the most boringly wonderful hours of television ever produced... The Bobby Petrino Show.*

Ever since I was a little kid I remember staying up on Sunday nights with my parents to watch what was originally the Danny Ford Show. Holy s***, if you ever want to hear someone butcher the English language, just watch an hour of Danny Ford talk about the games he coached. I still to this day remember the only player he knew on the entire team was BarrLunneyJunr (one word). Everyone else was "Good play #__." How this man won a National Championship I'll never know.

Then came the decade of Nutt. This was ten years of terrible television that was highlighted by quotes like "Gosh Chuck, you just gotta make that tackle. You bring that guy down and it's a diferent game." Or who can forget "He's a special player. He's a winner. A real fighter." In the words of a famous Alabama dimwit, that's all I got to say about that.

So with the introduction of Bobby Petrino came the introduction of the Bobby Petrino Show. Somehow, it's completely different than the previous 15 years of "entertainment" we've been blessed with, but equally as terrible. I have never seen a man make a huge win seem so damned boring, but somehow Coach Petrino does it. He manages to take what is an offensively spectacular display of passing and rushing and make it seem like the most mundane highlight reel ever put together.

But, for some reason, I've actually found my peace with this situation. It doesn't really bother me that I don't understand half of what the man talks about. I guess it just shows that he knows exactly what he's doing, and his coaching staff really is top notch. I don't really need to see the plays in the order they happen, just as long as I get to see them one last time. And just because Petrino may not be the most enthusiastic man on Earth doesn't mean he does not love the game with everything he's got.

So, if you ever find yourself looking to get that one last Saturday fix, look no further than to one of the most underrated hours television you'll ever find. But don't wait too long to do so, because before you know it, Tim Tebow will be here trying to circumcize your children and baptize your dogs.

~ Crown Pub

* The Bobby Petrino Show airs at 4pm on Tuesday afternoons on Fox Sports Southwest for viewers not currently residing in the Great State of Arkansas

Like Kevin Garnett, Anything is Possible

The Doctor is reporting live from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, where you can always get the best deals on text books, as long as you're friends with the athletes. They're the ones vacating the wins, not you, so you've got nothing to lose!

• It should be noted that Crown Pub nailed his predictions for the Auburn game, except for the one about the terrible War Eagle commercial. I was pleased about that. However, the University of Arkansas showed their newest crappy commercial, which features the "Razorbug" driving all around the state (and Dallas, inexplicably) before it finally arrives at Old Main. Thumbs down to this ad.
  
• Before the game, Hog Nation received a troubling bit of news: star sophomore wide out and Little Rock native Joe Adams suffered a mild stroke sometime during the week. He was out for Saturday's game against Auburn, and his status for the remainder of the season is unknown, but I would be very surprised if he returns this year. I hope I'm wrong.
• While I was straightening my hair and checking out my ass here in the privacy of my hotel room, I realized that the Hogs have now beaten Auburn four years in a row, twice in the plains and twice in the hills. Until they beat us, Auburn, Alabama will be known as Fayetteville East.

The Hogs travel to Gainesville this weekend to face the defending National Champions, the most overwhelming preseason number one ranked team of all time, and the current best team in the land, the Florida Jesus Christs. I'll leave the preview and predictions for the prognosticator himself, Bell's Paulsy, as well as Crown Pub, but if you'll direct your eyes a few inches below, I will leave you with a bit of inspiration.




The Doctor...is out.

What NOT to Wear

There are two types of Southerners:

1. The Classy, Polite Type that everyone else in the country makes fun of, but is secretly very jealous of.

2. This Guy… AKA Red Neck King.

I love being from the South and would have fit right in with Scarlett O’Hara, but Southerner #2 makes me want to make a bee-line to NYC.

This being said, I am admitting, here and now, that my fellow Hog Fans are some of the worst offenders. I have been to many an Away Game as well as more Alabama games than I care to name (The (not so) Razorboy went to Alabama, so have been forced to cheer for the tide for the past 2 years) . I was appalled while in Tuscaloosa for the game last month to see the majority of Razorback fans decided to dress like Southerner #2.

It literally made my eyes hurt.

So for the benefit of all you Hog Faithful making the trip to Florida (which is not a particularly fashion forward campus; they like jorts a lot) or more importantly Ole Miss in 2 weeks, I am here to help.

There is absolutely no excuse to wear the following:

1. Hog Hat/Hog Nose- Hilarious gag gift that could be pulled out for Halloween perhaps, but left at home on game day. I realize there actually is a game on HALLOWEEN; I will excuse these for 1 day.


2. Face Paint- Seriously? I am all for team spirit, but do you really think that face paint is going to make the team play better? Short answer: NO.


3. Body Paint- See # 2. Yes, you may make it on TV, but we are all making fun of you.


4. Shirt without Sleeves- This rule applies to males exclusively. Please, no woman wants to see your arms. I promise. NO WOMAN.

Acceptable Game Day Attire:

Males:

-Red and White Polos or Button Downs
-Jeans, Khakis, or Seersucker (before Labor Day Only)
-If you have a desperate situation: A Razorback T-shirt. I am not sure what the desperate situation would be… Everything is at the cleaners???

Females: See HOT HOGS to your right...

-Dresses or Skirts whenever possible (I realize sometimes it is simply too cold)
-When cold, a nice dress coat
-Jeans with a cute top, heels, or boots.
-I cannot condone any desperate situations for us…
*** Make sure that some part of your outfit is, indeed, red.

Please Hog Fans, take the above into consideration when packing for upcoming away games. Let’s put Arkansans back in the Southerner #1 category.

Yours- Razorbelle

Donna Bragg, The Freedom of Information Act & Ole Miss

I have a good friend that attended the University of Mississippi. We speak on a regular basis about Razorback and Rebel football. Before the 2008 NCAA football season, I honestly could have cared less about Ole Miss football unless Arkansas was about to play them. In my mind, they were in the lower echelon of the SEC. Yes, down with Mississippi State, Vanderbilt and Kentucky. However, something very interesting happened prior to the 2008 season. Houston Dale Nutt decided to take a head coaching job at another SEC school and that school happened to be the University of Mississippi. Hotty toddy ya'll!!!

I will admit that I do feel bad for the fans of the Miss that is Ole. They're good people that fell for THE Car Salesman. He can talk a good game, but when it comes down to having something under the hood, the engine is that of a '72 Ford Pinto and it will almost assuredly explode somewhere down the road. In my metaphor though, the Pinto actually slowly implodes by means of poor (repetitive) play calling, bad recruiting and just being an idiot.

In my various communications with my Ole Miss friend after the initial announcement of HDN, I was surprised to hear that Ole Miss fans were excited to have him! I asked him if he had been paying attention to the last decade of Arkansas football. I asked him if he had been paying attention to the repeated excitement and certainty that our football team was on the edge of being a regular in the top 25 rankings, only to be crushed by the recruiting and coaching of HDN.

Sure, we remember the good times with HDN: Matt Jones, Peyton Hillis, D-Mac, Felix and just not being Danny Ford. Sure, we remember being ranked sometimes (only to be knocked off by running the option two or three times in a row, to the same side, on third and long.) Sure, we remember going to bowls (only to lose to the Minnessote Golden Gophers or the Wisconsin Badgers after we'd talked up the SEC to all of our friends in other conferences.)

After almost a decade of hope, followed shortly thereafter by crushing disappointment, it came time for HDN to leave Arkansas. How, though, did you get rid of someone who shortly after a terrible football related move, seemingly completely redeemed himself, by either beating Texas, any number of ranked SEC teams or even a little Miracle on Markham? (Sidenote: Any and all terrible football related move by HDN that was followed by an amazing win, was undoubtedly immediately followed by another terrible football related move. A discerning Arkansas football fan knows this as HDN gospel.) In order to get an entire state against a coach that will never allow you to grow past a certain point as a football program, apparently all you need is the Freedom of Information Act. Thanks George W. Bush!

I'll leave the steamy details to the dossier, but let's just say my screen name isn't Springdale Holiday Inn because of their wonderful turndown service and excellent food. However, I do hear that their staff is very discreet.

The Freedom of Information Act and homely looking Northwest Arkansas newscaster Donna Bragg combined to allow Arkansans a chance to see the human side of the coaching equation: HDN is a d-bag. The FIA/Donna Bragg attention was the push that HDN needed to get rolling off of the Hill. Even though personal things should probably stay personal, I'm happy that HDN was revealed for the d-bag, liar he was/is so that the Natural State could finally come together in our hatred of the highest paid person under state employment.

My Ole Miss friend and I have continued to talk about Ole Miss and Arkansas football, but I must admit I have let up significantly on the trash talking, mainly because HDN does the work for me as Ole Miss nation is learning the ways of the Nutt on their own. I'll hold the details of Ole Miss' journey until my end of season HDN post entitled either "Ole Miss, Meet Houston Nutt" or "Ole Miss, Welcome to your Mediocre Era."

In summation, the only time HDN will rise to the occasion is when he is alone with a newscaster in a classy hotel. Hey, at least it was better than the Holiday Inn Express!

Hotty toddy Donna Bragg, hotty toddy indeed,

Springdale Holiday Inn