Isaiah 9:6*

Hog fans, I'm going to lead off this pregame predictions thread with a little story. This is a story that many of you are familiar with, and you have undoubtedly heard it in some form or fashion throughout your entire lives. The story is one replicated thoughout time, whether it is about a turtle that just keep plodding along or Little Engine that thinks he can. This story was recently played out in front of the entire world, as a community organizer somehow was elected to lead the most powerful country in the world, all because he said the words "hope" and "change". This, hog fans, is the story of David and Goliath (slightly altered to reflect current events and situations).

It was a warm sunny morning in the marshes of the Southeast. Fans came from all around to watch what was touted to be just another victory on the road to take the promised land. They sat in the stands, prepared for what was undoubtedly going to be a bloodbath, as they had listened to the media's undying love and adoration for the one from Gainsville a little too much. The battle had been all but won, and it had yet to even begin... or so it seemed.

When both teams took the field, men wearing jorts and women with big hair swooned over their leader. He had been proclaimed the second coming by certain announcers, and had previously been given awards that deserved to go to others. He yelled at his comrades to play harder after a lapse in performance the previous year, and at no point had such a widely acclaimed leader sounded so gay. He guaranteed victories, and until this day, had delivered on his promise.

However, something happened on this warm day in October that shocked the world. The second coming ran across a group that wasn't scared. This group wasn't concerned by the best defense in the land, and really didn't understand why people were so fascinated by a guy who liked to circumcize Phillipino boys. They saw their opponents for what they were... just another team. For sixty minutes the two teams battled, and a fierce battle it was. Blows were exchanged, and lives were taken (figuratively, of course). After a long day filled with WAAYYY too many commercial breaks, a new leader emerged. A new #15 came to the forefront as he captained his team to the most unlikely of victories... and the gods rejoiced. This, Hog Fans, is the story of Mallett and Tebow.

I understand the chances of this story actually playing out are probably in the 10:1 range, but hey, it's certainly fun to think about. Which leads me into what will hopefully be another stellar round of predictions in this addition I like to call The Gospel According to Bobby.

• Bobby 1:15 - There are some people in this world that are natural born leaders, and this fact is undeniable. Some people put themselves in the position to influence a great number of people with their actions, both on and off the field, and you can't deny that Tim Tebow has fit this mold. All kidding aside, he seems like a really great guy, and had he not stolen D-Mac's Heisman, I think I could actually root for him. Saturday however is a different story. Be prepared to see a new #15 emerge as the future of college football. When Mallet keeps us close, and maybe even pull off the huge win, be prepared to hear nothing but praise for him from Gary Danielson and Verne Lundquist for the next 2 years. (Note: Figure out who is roommate is, because you'll here his name a lot too)
• Bobby 3:21 - Games aren't won on paper, but it's certainly a good place to start. The Hogs are outmatched across the board, and the media has made sure to tell us this time and time again. Even when people say that the Hogs offense will be the best that Florida has seen all season, they go on to predict we'll only score one touchdown. This will not be the case. The Hogs will score AT LEAST 3 touchdowns, and if Petrino's game plan is actually working it could be even more. If we are to win this game, it's because Bobby and Paul find a way to beat the Florida D with play calling... followed by excellent execution
• Bobby 4:13 - Life is not worth living if you don't have any fun. If you can't be relaxed coming into a game as 27 point underdogs, when can you be??? Expect to see the Hogs come out on Saturday with a different type of swagger, and expect a completely different team than what showed up to Tuscaloosa. And I think I might consider making any Hog that mocks Superman in any way shape or form my #1 player of the year
• Bobby 6:9 - Balance is the key to success. I mentioned last week how the Razorback running game was going to be the star of the show, and this was partially true. They finally had the breakout game they needed out of Smith, and Broderick Green finally pounded in the short TD runs. With #21 questionable, I'd like to see an underclassman (Wingo) emerge as the next back to lead the running game. The running game lets the passing game succeed in this one, and DJ Williams will get more of the ball
• Bobby 10:13 - Expect great things from here on out. No matter the outcome of this game, the rest of the season looks great for the Hogs. At the beginning of the year, people were saying 7-5 or 6-6 would be all we could achieve. Some prognosticators said the team was 9-3 bound, while others said it would be a max of 8-4. At the half way point in the season, the Hogs will likely be 3-3. During the next six games, we only play one team that is worth a damn (South Carolina, you still suck and will get your asses kicked in Tuscaloosa), and by the twelth game of the season we might really be rolling. I'm going to leave the predictions up to you, but it could be a fun 6 game stretch

On a side note, the other games around the SEC are kind of hard to root for this weekend. I'd like to see Vanderbilt beat UGA, but that really doesn't make us look all that hot. The Mississippi schools play two Middle of Nowhere States, so there is nothing to see there. Alabama is going to continue their march to Atlanta, and Auburn gets to bounce back from their terrible performance in Fayetteville by travelling to Lexington. All in all, not much to see here.

This Saturday, as every other Saturday in the Fall, will be filled with lots of booze and lots of football. We'll wake up on Sunday, try to remember the big plays what randomly racist comment Lou Holtz said to Mark May the night before, drink a beer to get over the hangover, and wish we could do it all over again. Could life get any better... I think not.

GO HOGS!

*If you have to ask, you need some serious Churching in your life