Sunshine

It seems the sun hasn't shined in Arkansas in ages, and I heard a stat three days ago that it's rained 11 out of the last 12 days. Make that 14 of 15. Despite all this gloom in the weather, it seems the sun is shining in Hog Country brighter than its shined since our basketball team beat Oklahoma and Texas last season (see total eclipse of the sun). It seems "Sunshine" Rick Schaeffer's attitude has rubbed off on every Hog fan and for good reason.

The only thing I listen to on the radio is the Buzz, but two weeks ago, you couldn't pay me to listen to the backwoods bubbas calling in asking if it was time for a change at D-coordinator. My how the tables have turned just two short weeks later. All of the sudden, most of the predictions heard from Hog fans actually FAVOR Arkansas against the nation's top ranked team. Granted, our talent isn't what Florida's is, and we'll see the second best defense in the country on Saturday (while ranked first statistically, I believe we already saw the first), but we have an offense good enough to counter this. Last week, before Auburn, I quoted some interesting stats to show that, while Auburn's much improved, the past history shows that when we played Auburn, stats don't matter. I'm not doing that this week because...check any stat...we lose.


So, here are my reasons why we beat Florida this weekend:


1. Ryan Mallett looked flustered against Alabama and lost some of his fundamentals. That won't happen this weekend. He's more mature after just two games, and he'll be able to step up in the pocket under pressure and make throws or scramble for a few. Against Auburn we learned that Mallett is not just a statue of himself (and he did too). The coaches and players seem to be on the same page and ready to win.


2. Our fans don't wear jorts (an neither does our starting QB).


3. This is a trap game for the Raging Tebows. As much as Meyer talks about how good we looked against Auburn and how we dominated all aspects of the game, Meyer has to know his players are already looking ahead to a Bama matchup. Meyer's teams usually lose one and wake up the next day regretting losing while thinking to themselves, "I can't believe we lost to them last night." Thanks Superbad, "We could be that guy!"

4. Win or lose, the messiah is still getting drafted this year. It may be late, but he'll get drafted. He'll have a less than pedestrian NFL career, give up football, and go into his passion, cutting foreskin off males in third world countries. Trust me, there's going to be a job opening for in "the biz" for him when he hangs up the cleats, and I'm sure nearly every preacher in the state of Florida would give up their wife or mistress to have him behind the pulpit. Not to mention, victorious or not, Tebow could still get with this girl:


In the words of Crown Pub, "Gunga Ga Gunga!! Those are some serious sweater cows." So, this game means nothing to the Tebows because, A) Tebow's personal career path is set (disgusting, but set), and he has nothing to gain here and B) The team knows they can still win a NC if they lose a game (see the loss to the Used Car Salesman last year).

So, call me a homer, give me the reasons the Hogs shouldn't win, but I'm not only drinking the Kool-Aid, I'm spiking it.

Go Hogs!
Beat the messiah and his 21 disciples!
Bells Paulsy out!