I'm Not Happy Giving

Winter has finally arrived. Football has passed mid season with playoffs and bowl games quickly approaching. Christmas lights are going up (yes, I’ve already seen some), and it is dark by the time I get home from work. With turkey day looming around the corner and holiday dessert gift baskets starting to arrive at the door steps, it’s damn near holiday season. The month or so from the end of November to the end of December is the most festive 30 days of the year, all centered around giving thanks, being with family and friends, and getting sweet presents. Even with all the good vibes, I’ve always had an internal conflict; which is better, Thanksgiving or Christmas?


The obvious answer is Christmas. Most everyone has childhood memories of looking forward to that one moment all year long where you wake up at the first hint of sunlight, realize the long wait is over, and make a mad dash for the Christmas tree and get to shreddin’ some wrapping paper. With age though, that feeling fades a little, and now days I don’t care to get out of bed on Christmas day until the crack of noon. I enjoy giving and receiving gifts, but I don’t enjoy eating top ramen for half the month because I blew my paycheck on iPods and diamond earrings. And something that will beat even the most joyful spirit out of me, Christmas Music. AHHHH!! Every time I go to get groceries, eat lunch, go to the gym, you name it there is Christmas music on. I can’t freakin stand it.

With that said, I now give you the Top 10 reasons I like Thanksgiving more than Christmas.

1. No one gets offended by not getting a Thanksgiving present. My presence alone is enough to make everyone happy. That’s the way it should be. Trying to figure out who you should or shouldn't give a gift to stressful, and there's not a bigger jackass feeling than receiving a package with a bow and having nothing to give back.

2. The food is better. Turkey and stuffing. Done deal. Sure the Christmas food is awesome too, but I don’t start drooling and day dreaming in mid October when someone mentions Christmas dinner. Tell me you've had a better sandwich than the one the day after Thanksgiving. Come on, I dare ya.

3. You always get a 4 day weekend. Christmas can pop up at weird times and getting Tuesday and Wednesday off work but having to go in on Monday and Thursday can ruin a trip and really mess up your holiday cheer. With Thanksgiving being on Thursday, you can get any traveling done Wednesday night and enjoy your PTO.

4. Thanksgiving is the perfect time for front yard football. You ain’t gonna work up that apetite searching for Black Friday specials my friend. Get out there and earn that post-meal nap with a good game of touch football (in laws are fair game for tackling).

5. **Spoiler Alert** Modern day Christmas is based on a make believe fat guy and flying deer. I’m not knocking Christmas as an entirety. I understand that we are celebrating the birth of little 8 pound 6 ounces…new born infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, but the sad truth is that that is secondary now days. It’s all about Tickle Me Elmo and Zhu Zhu Pets. Thank you Donald Draper. Thanksgiving is about not forgetting where you came from and knowing it could be a lot worse. Something we all need.

6. Pumpkin pie and pumpkin pie flavored things. Pumpkin pie was Gods gift to desserts. On more than one occasion I have sat down to eat an ENTIRE pumpkin pie. It's the only reason I don't go back for a third plate of food during dinner. There is a good chance I might try to make a Razorback themed pumpkin pie desert this year. I'll keep you posted.

7. It's OK to get wasted on Thanksgiving. You might be thinking "But I can get wasted on every Holiday. It's the only way I can make it through Midnight Mass". Well shame on you for having to get drunk before church, but the entire idea of Thanksgiving is getting everyone together to hang out and appreciate the good times. Sounds like a party to me! I got dibs on cousin Sal for beer pong.

http://www.ranker.com/list/5-reasons-that-make-it-ok-to-get-wasted-on-thanksgiving/elaineyo

8. Everyone celebrates Thanksgiving. You don't have to worry about wishing someone Happy Thanksgiving, where as you might wish one Merry Christmas only to find out they celebrate Hanukkah, Festivus, or Kwanzaa (although that should be hard to miss). I imagine Larry David could make a mess of this subject.

9. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Three hours of marching bands and giant balloons that would have scared the shit outta those Pilgrims in Plymouth. I'm a fan of a 10000 cubic foot Snoopy Balloon. Can you blame me? The Rockettes are never hard to wake up to either.

10. The final reason I like Thanksgiving more than Christmas is football. Lord, I am thankful for football. The rivalry game is upon us, and we’re going to win that damn boot or I’ll barf all the leftover turkey and liter of bloody mary I just inhaled. LSU is going down like corndogs at Coney Island. As a long time Cowboys fan as well, watching the Thanksgiving Day game is a family tradition.

I'll leave you with this final piece of history. Rotnie Clark went to town hitting 13 of 17 shots behind the arch. Here's his record breaking shot.

48 Hours and Counting

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Currently, we are a little less than 48 hours from game time in the Ozarks, where the Auburn Tigers will try to improve their perfect season to an impressive 6-0 against the Arkansas Razorbacks who sit at 2-2. This may seem like a no brainer win for the Tigers, but their previous five wins have come against a weak notch Big East squad, two no names, and two of the worst teams in the SEC (sorry Tennessee, you still suck, even with $5m + coaching staff). This matchup leads us to an interesting crossroads for two teams and their very young 2009 seasons.

Scenario 1: If Auburn wins, they are already bowl eligible, and head into the Kentucky game looking to secure their 7th win. They then get the heart of the SEC (LSU, Ole Miss - sort of, Georgia, and Alabama). Their season could end 8-4 or 11-1.

Scenario 2: The Razorbacks give Auburn their first true test of the season, and the explosive Tigers running game gets shut down by a much improved Arkansas defense. The Hogs win will give them a ton of confidence going into the Swamp, where a post LSU letdown will leave the Florida Tebows vulnerable to an upset (see Ole Miss 2008). The Hogs would likely end their season 7-5 or 8-4, and a New Years day bowl would be a possibility.

So now that we've documented what's on the line, it's time to go over what we should expect from the game on Saturday.

• Gus Malzahn will still be loved by the Razorback faithful. He will enter Fayetteville looking to avenge his loss last year while coaching Tulsa, and will manage to make all Hog fans happy by either losing, or by getting our hopes up that his prolific offense will some day lead our team into SEC battle. Gus is a great coach and a class act, and everyone will recognize this fact by the end of the game
• Traffic will be bitched about by everyone that has the unfortunate task of driving into Fayetteville for the 11am game. Exits will be backed up for miles, and the Fayetteville and Springdale Police departments will do nothing to alleviate the problem that will leave the stadium half empty until the beginning of the second quarter
• Ryan Mallett will get his chance to shine at home against another unproven defense. If he is given enough time, he'll get his fair share of opportunities to exploit the Auburn D, and barring our receivers having a bad hands day, should have very efficient (note: not prolific) passing numbers
• The Running Backs will finally get the game they've been looking for. Texas A&M was not a good team, and by the end of the game the offense had worn them down. This allowed for a solid 62 yard TD at the end of the game which might have been what the offense has been looking for all season. In order to truly prove themselves, they're going to have to be able to get that 2 yard touchdown run they've been missing
• The Defense will likely get torn to pieces. While I do believe the Jerry Franklin TD runback against A&M was the turning point in the defensive season, they're still not there yet. Look for the running defense to be truly tested, and if they don't respond, look for the secondary to be tested just as much. It might be a very long day for these guys However, if they carry over some of what they had while playing in the Death Star, they might be the heroes of the game
• If you're watching on TV, expect to see the gayest commercial in the SEC on at least 200 times. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, it's the one where someone is fishing on a boat in Alaska, and a plane lands on the water with the Auburn Tiger tail flying off of the back of it. The jackass flying right into the middle of the guys fishing spot leans out of the plane and yells "WAR EAGLE," and the fisherman responds in kind. This commercial is so stupid it hurts my head to think that a marketing degree at Auburn might actually be worth the paper it's written on
• Arkansas fans will cheer whenever they hear the score of the Alabama v. Ole Miss game. While Houston Nutt may have avoided a loss at Vanderbilt (congrats on that one!), there is no way he defends his home turf against arguably the best team in the nation. Hootie is on the record as saying that if the Rebels make it to the 4th quarter they'll be good. Guess what guys, Jevan Snead is going to show off that Heisman arm and throw 2 picks... in the first quarter. Not only will they not make it to the fourth quarter, they likely won't make it to halftime before it's a blowout. Have fun Ole Miss, you're really going to enjoy that new coach of yours
• People will have a tough time rooting for anyone in the night game. Nobody likes Florida, and everyone hates LSU. It's a lesser of two evil situations, and either way, rednecks in some white trash city will be celebrating after the game is over. The only question is if they'll smell like corndogs or not

I'm sure there is plenty more that will transpire during what will be a perfect weekend in God's Country. Other highlights might include Orange Peel jell-o shots at a tailgate in the pit (http://bit.ly/1NQIXn), people celebrating on Dickson with a post game pub crawl, a pint at the pub and some pub bowling, and undoubtedly a few drinks at Razorbelle's favorite bar with a Big Ass Fan.

Enjoy the weekend Hog fans. And remember, nothing is better than a game day on The Hill.

GO HOGS!