Saturday Night Spooktacle

I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. Dammit, not matter how many times I say it I just can't make myself believe. This has been one of the toughest weeks of Razorback fandom for me in many many many years, and it just doesn't get any easier. We are to the point that no matter how many wins (I'll say four) that we get in the next five games, the season is still a tough pill to swallow. I wanted a win against Georgia, Bama, Florida, and certainly Ole Miss, and we went 0-4. Boom... Roasted.

There comes a time when you have to just move on, and hopefully this week the I'll be able to do that. Luckily, the Hogs get what will hopefully be their easiest opponent of the year in Eastern Michigan. I know very little about this team, but from all sources they should be a nice cupcake to give this team a little dose of confidence they so greatly need. And for once, we actually get a night time game. This means that I won't be forced to get up at the crack of dawn and start taking pulls out of a bottle of Stoli, rather I get to do it out of my own free will.

No matter what happens Friday, as long as the Hogs destroy the visitors from Detroit (pronounced De-twah if you want to be fancy), it's going to be a good day. At some point I'm probably going to decide that I actually do want to participate in Halloween festivities and I'll head to the store to pick up candy for trick-or-treaters. I might even dawn a costume and make my way to a bar to see how many Dallas girls are dressed as french maids. At the end of the night I'll realize that it's daylight savings time, and instead of enjoying an extra hour of sleep, I'll decide to enjoy an extra hour of drink. So, to pay my respects to the coming Day of the Dead, I present an extra spooky, sort of terrifying, mostly unoriginal, SEC Predictions from Beyond the Grave.

• Arkansas v. Eastern Michigan - The scariest thing on the field for this one is going to be the re-introduction of the ugliest uniforms the Hogs have ever dawned in a game. I saw these pants in person at the Cotton Bowl where Mizzou EMBARRASSED the Razorbacks for 60 minutes, and from the second the team took the field I knew it was going to be a long day. If the game on Saturday is remotely close, please take my advice and burn these pants. On a side note, there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss seeing #5 running the ball from our backfield. We miss you DMAC!!!
• Ole Miss v. Auburn - It looks like the ghost of 2008 has decided to raise from the grave, as the Auburn Tigers once again got off to a blistering pace, but have since done absolutely nothing. I'm not sure if it's team chemistry (there are rumors that some players aren't happy that Cody Burns got benched... you can read between the lines there), lack of preparation, or opponents figuring out Saint Malzahn's scheme, but they're hurting. This week would be a perfect example of a typical HDN letdown game, but if they stick with the gameplan of All Dexter All The Time they should take this one pretty handily
• Kentucky v. Mississippi State - The thought of these two teams battling it out is scary enough to make me want to gouge my eyes out. I can honestly say that I do not care about any aspect of this game, other than I hope Mississippi State loses so that we might bump ahead of them in the SEC West
• Florida v. Georgia - This guy... THIS GUY. There is something about this game that I absolutely love. Maybe it's because it's the Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party on Earth, or maybe because it's played in a neutral field, but I love it. I wish I could witness this in person (if for no other reason than to see UGA girls in their Halloween costumes), and hopefully one day I'll get the pleasure. Alas (and alack), I just don't see the Tebows having a letdown this week. Florida takes this one 2 touchdowns
• Tennessee v. South Carolina - Both teams need this win! Tennessee needs it to help vindicate their hiring of Layne Kiffen, and the Old Ball Coach has to have it to keep his solid bowl hopes alive. I think this game goes ugly early, and the turnover numbers are going to be the story of the week out East. In the end, Old Ball Coach keeps his teams good bowl hopes alive by taking down the Vols
• Tulane v. LSU - Blow out in Death Valley! If LSU wins out and takes the SEC Championship, they will play in Pasadena... I realize this is a big "if," but don't rule it out

We are about 27 hours away from kickoff in God's country, and I will not be in attendance to this affair. However, next week I'll be taking a nice three day weekend to head up to God's country to meet up with 72,000 of my closest friends. Hog fans, it's time to take care of business.

As always... GO HOGS!!!

The Turning Point

This is it. This is the week we've all be waiting for. This is the time for the Hogs to officially step it up, and it's their time to prove themselves to the nation that wrote them off roughly two years ago. As fans, we honestly can't be much happier with what we've seen transpire on The Hill over the last 18 games. We have gotten the chance to see a team grow, to develop, to raise the bar, and to create an atmosphere of winning that hasn't been seen on campus since the early 90's when the Nolan Richardson had his kids playing 40 Minutes of Hell. Hog fans, this is the team we've been waiting for.

Obviously these are rather high praises to give a bunch of sophomores and freshmen that are 3-3 on the season, but I believe in what I see. And the reason, because I honestly think that Coach Petrino has his team believing everything I just wrote. This is not a team that is going to harp on some bad calls that might have cost them the game. These guys aren't going into Saturday looking for petty revenge over what was a notably dramatic shift of coaching staffs. This is a group of guys that goes out to play every game with a disciplined and well planned strategy. They have one goal week in and week out, to execute. And with execution will come wins... lots of them.

So here we sit at the turning point of our season. Predictions all year had us being 3-3 going into the game vs. Ole Miss, and that's where we are. Ole Miss has started what was supposed to be their dream season with a resounding THUD, going 1-2 in conference and beating up on a bunch of nobody schools (in the 4th quarter). Arkansas has underachieved at times, but their recent appearance in The Swamp has a lot of people looking for Arkansas to be the next big thing in the SEC. With this being said, I believe it's safe to say that this is the biggest game both teams will play all year, and will determine who goes to Dallas on January 3rd, and who is stuck in Memphrica ringing in 2010.

So who takes it? Do the Rebels finally decide that they are as good as many said they should be? Does Jevan Snead stop playing like a big ol' bag full of mashed up a**holes and start playing like the Heisman hopeful he once was? Or is it Arkansas, fresh off almost upsetting the #1 team in the nation on the road, that comes into the Grove looking for revenge (on so many levels)? In an effort to answer these questions, and in honor of the recent introduction of the lottery in the Great State of Arkansas, this round of predictions comes to you as an Ode to the Arkansas Powerball.

And the first number is:

• #91 - Jake Bequette has really come of his own on the defense recently, and from what I've heard he's made tremendous strides. It is evident on the field that he is playing with a new found passion to get to the QB, and his performances against Auburn and Florida have shown that this Catholic High alum truly has football running through his blood. Get ready for a third great SEC performance, and he will be the defensive player of the game

Our second number of the night:

• #7 - The number of 3rd down conversions Arkansas must have on Saturday. I realize the offense is explosive, and I understand that a 42 yard pass is almost run of the mill for Mallett and company, but they cannot be a successful football team on a regular basis if they do not complete more 3rd downs. Ole Miss has not shown many signs of being the same defense they were a year ago, but if they can back up the Arkansas offense on 3rd down, their D-line could have a lot of shots to get to the QB, which is never good considering Mallett's mobility

Coming down the shoot:

• #4 - The number of turnovers the Hog defense will get off of Jevan Snead by the end of the night. Never has a QB fallen so quickly from grace as has Snead. He's been tested week in and week out... and has failed. Alabama (the best team in the nation) made the Ole Miss defense look anemic at best, and Snead was unable to get anything done. To boot, he was at home. Unless that powerhouse win over UAB last week did something for his confidence, look for a few fumbles and almost certainly a pair of interceptions

The fourth number of the night:

• #24 - This is the number of points the Hogs will score in the first half to stun the Rebels into submission early. The Hog offense will show it's ability to score early and often against a top notch defense, and look for Mallet and the receivers to be on their best game. They missed a ton of opportunities late in the game against Florida, and they're looking to prove they deserved a W in Gainsville

The fifth number coming to you:

• #2 - Alex Tejada bounces back from what was one of the more difficult kicking blunders of his four year career at Arkansas. I'm not saying he hits a fifty yard game winner or anything, but he'll be perfect on the day, with numerous extra points and even a couple of nice field goals. He's been here before, he knows how to deal with it, and much like Casey Dick against LSU last year, he'll want to play well in his senior season and knows how to do it

And for the sixth and final Powerball:

• #33 - I was off two weeks ago when I said that Wingo would be the breakout young back behind Michael Smith. As it turns out, it was Dennis Johnson, and he has been sensational in every aspect of his game. DJ is at his best when the team is counting on him, and this is evidenced by his dominance in special teams returns, and his incredible performance as a starter against a heralded Florida defense. With the way he's playing, I say if DJ wants it, DJ gets it

So there you have it folks, your winning Powerball Lottery #'s are 91, 7, 4, 24, 2, and the Powerball 33.

On a side note, this will be my first SEC road game I'll get to see in person, and I couldn't be more excited. Last week I got the pleasure of attending Texas v. OU in the Cotton Bowl, and while I hate both teams, it was truly an awesome experience. This week I get to back it up with The Grove, and two weeks from now I'll be in God's Country once again to see the Old Ball Coach come to town. It's going to be a truly great 4 week stretch!

And as always... GO HOGS!

Hoculied

It's been three days and I believe I'm finally ready to come to terms with what happened. I'm only going to write two paragraphs, as that's all I have left in me when it comes to thinking about what the nation saw on display at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. I'm pretty sure if I had actually been in attendance I would have had not choice but to start my favorite high school chant... "Nuts and bolts, nuts and bolts, we... got... SCREWED!!!" I have never in seen a game that was officiated in such a biased manner. It was so bad that even Gary Danielson managed to stop talking about Tim Tebow long enough to comment on how Arkansas was the better team on the field, and how the refs obviously had no idea what they were doing.

So here's what it comes down to. Arkansas was the better team on the field last Saturday, plain and simple. Our defense was better. Our offense was better. Our coaching was better. The Hogs had that win from the get go, and it was only because of a bunch of jackass zebras that they were cost what was rightfully theirs, a W. What makes it even worse was the SEC's response to the whole deal, merely saying that there was no reason the Personal Foul should have been called. But the fact of the matter is, there were about 45 yards worth of penalties that the Gators were given out of utter stupidity and love for the team that was supposed to win. These guys have been shown to be incompetent on many levels, and there is no reason why they should still have their jobs. But alas, this exact same crew will be in Oxford on Saturday making sure that Houston Nutt has a chance to win (just like they did last year in Fayetteville). Mike Slive, I HIGHLY question what on earth is going on over there in Atlanta.

Painful...but time

Well, I think we've all been avoiding being the first to post after the tough loss this weekend, for obvious reasons. I guess I'll be the one to tackle it. It's too early for me to joke about the loss; sorry if you're looking for me to be jovial.

I think we all feel the same about the game, and I can say, honestly, I wasn't at all surprised about the results. I told you I was drinking the Kool-Aid last weekend and gave you at least 4 good reasons why you guys should have been drinking also. I really don't want to dwell on the game because it hurts, but here's just a few points that stayed with me after the game.

1. Whether it's Vanderbilt or Florida, you can't leave points on the field in the SEC. By my conservative calculations, we left 18 points on the field. I feel unbelievably bad for Alex Tejada, and knowing some of his family, I can't imagine how hard it is for him to wake up in the morning after a game like that. I'm still behind the kid and know he just needs to get his head right and could be a great kicker (this probably isn't the predominant opinion of all the contributors to DSD). Just as much blame for this loss should be left on the shoulders of Ryan Mallett. He missed at least two open guys in the end zone, and could have made Tejada's job much easier. Don't forget the play at the end of the first half where our receivers knocked each other over in what could have been a TD and what could have been a great catch made by Greg Childs in the end zone. Sure, Florida left some points on the field too, but it was probably only 14 points at best. That still gives us the win.

2. The Hogs D is SO much better than they were in the first three games. Granted, the whole defense is better, but having Elton Ford back from injury has totally changed the swagger of the Hat Tappers. Jake Bequette has been playing like a man since the TAMU game much to my surprise. I get to talk to his high school coaches often, and they seriously don't believe how far he's come. Stadther, Sheppard, Franklin, Nelson, and Burton all deserve a few slegehammers on the helmet. The pressure our D-line and blitzing linebackers are getting on QB's is giving our fairly weak secondary a nice cushion.

3. Going into this game, I really did expect a close game. I truly believed we had a chance of winning the game, but it was for all different reasons than those which kept us close. I would have said that Mallett and the receivers would be the stars of the show, not our defense. Shows what I know.

4. It's hard to beat Florida in the Swamp, but it's even harder to beat them when the officiating crew is clearly protecting their #1 rank. The personal foul on Sheppard should be reviewed by the league and the man who called it should lose his job. This is coming from a man who VERY rarely complains about the officiating because I can usually see it going both ways. Not so this weekend. That wasn't the only bad call, but I just can't bring myself to keep dwelling on what should have been.

Let's look forward. This weekend we face, what I consider, our biggest game of the year, and while that loss was heartbreaking, I think we'll come out incredibly confident. I'll leave the Jevan Snead predictions to Crown Pub, and let you know that we'll be ready. Look for this to be a big week on DSD considering the this coaching match-up.

Isaiah 9:6*

Hog fans, I'm going to lead off this pregame predictions thread with a little story. This is a story that many of you are familiar with, and you have undoubtedly heard it in some form or fashion throughout your entire lives. The story is one replicated thoughout time, whether it is about a turtle that just keep plodding along or Little Engine that thinks he can. This story was recently played out in front of the entire world, as a community organizer somehow was elected to lead the most powerful country in the world, all because he said the words "hope" and "change". This, hog fans, is the story of David and Goliath (slightly altered to reflect current events and situations).

It was a warm sunny morning in the marshes of the Southeast. Fans came from all around to watch what was touted to be just another victory on the road to take the promised land. They sat in the stands, prepared for what was undoubtedly going to be a bloodbath, as they had listened to the media's undying love and adoration for the one from Gainsville a little too much. The battle had been all but won, and it had yet to even begin... or so it seemed.

When both teams took the field, men wearing jorts and women with big hair swooned over their leader. He had been proclaimed the second coming by certain announcers, and had previously been given awards that deserved to go to others. He yelled at his comrades to play harder after a lapse in performance the previous year, and at no point had such a widely acclaimed leader sounded so gay. He guaranteed victories, and until this day, had delivered on his promise.

However, something happened on this warm day in October that shocked the world. The second coming ran across a group that wasn't scared. This group wasn't concerned by the best defense in the land, and really didn't understand why people were so fascinated by a guy who liked to circumcize Phillipino boys. They saw their opponents for what they were... just another team. For sixty minutes the two teams battled, and a fierce battle it was. Blows were exchanged, and lives were taken (figuratively, of course). After a long day filled with WAAYYY too many commercial breaks, a new leader emerged. A new #15 came to the forefront as he captained his team to the most unlikely of victories... and the gods rejoiced. This, Hog Fans, is the story of Mallett and Tebow.

I understand the chances of this story actually playing out are probably in the 10:1 range, but hey, it's certainly fun to think about. Which leads me into what will hopefully be another stellar round of predictions in this addition I like to call The Gospel According to Bobby.

• Bobby 1:15 - There are some people in this world that are natural born leaders, and this fact is undeniable. Some people put themselves in the position to influence a great number of people with their actions, both on and off the field, and you can't deny that Tim Tebow has fit this mold. All kidding aside, he seems like a really great guy, and had he not stolen D-Mac's Heisman, I think I could actually root for him. Saturday however is a different story. Be prepared to see a new #15 emerge as the future of college football. When Mallet keeps us close, and maybe even pull off the huge win, be prepared to hear nothing but praise for him from Gary Danielson and Verne Lundquist for the next 2 years. (Note: Figure out who is roommate is, because you'll here his name a lot too)
• Bobby 3:21 - Games aren't won on paper, but it's certainly a good place to start. The Hogs are outmatched across the board, and the media has made sure to tell us this time and time again. Even when people say that the Hogs offense will be the best that Florida has seen all season, they go on to predict we'll only score one touchdown. This will not be the case. The Hogs will score AT LEAST 3 touchdowns, and if Petrino's game plan is actually working it could be even more. If we are to win this game, it's because Bobby and Paul find a way to beat the Florida D with play calling... followed by excellent execution
• Bobby 4:13 - Life is not worth living if you don't have any fun. If you can't be relaxed coming into a game as 27 point underdogs, when can you be??? Expect to see the Hogs come out on Saturday with a different type of swagger, and expect a completely different team than what showed up to Tuscaloosa. And I think I might consider making any Hog that mocks Superman in any way shape or form my #1 player of the year
• Bobby 6:9 - Balance is the key to success. I mentioned last week how the Razorback running game was going to be the star of the show, and this was partially true. They finally had the breakout game they needed out of Smith, and Broderick Green finally pounded in the short TD runs. With #21 questionable, I'd like to see an underclassman (Wingo) emerge as the next back to lead the running game. The running game lets the passing game succeed in this one, and DJ Williams will get more of the ball
• Bobby 10:13 - Expect great things from here on out. No matter the outcome of this game, the rest of the season looks great for the Hogs. At the beginning of the year, people were saying 7-5 or 6-6 would be all we could achieve. Some prognosticators said the team was 9-3 bound, while others said it would be a max of 8-4. At the half way point in the season, the Hogs will likely be 3-3. During the next six games, we only play one team that is worth a damn (South Carolina, you still suck and will get your asses kicked in Tuscaloosa), and by the twelth game of the season we might really be rolling. I'm going to leave the predictions up to you, but it could be a fun 6 game stretch

On a side note, the other games around the SEC are kind of hard to root for this weekend. I'd like to see Vanderbilt beat UGA, but that really doesn't make us look all that hot. The Mississippi schools play two Middle of Nowhere States, so there is nothing to see there. Alabama is going to continue their march to Atlanta, and Auburn gets to bounce back from their terrible performance in Fayetteville by travelling to Lexington. All in all, not much to see here.

This Saturday, as every other Saturday in the Fall, will be filled with lots of booze and lots of football. We'll wake up on Sunday, try to remember the big plays what randomly racist comment Lou Holtz said to Mark May the night before, drink a beer to get over the hangover, and wish we could do it all over again. Could life get any better... I think not.

GO HOGS!

*If you have to ask, you need some serious Churching in your life

Sunshine

It seems the sun hasn't shined in Arkansas in ages, and I heard a stat three days ago that it's rained 11 out of the last 12 days. Make that 14 of 15. Despite all this gloom in the weather, it seems the sun is shining in Hog Country brighter than its shined since our basketball team beat Oklahoma and Texas last season (see total eclipse of the sun). It seems "Sunshine" Rick Schaeffer's attitude has rubbed off on every Hog fan and for good reason.

The only thing I listen to on the radio is the Buzz, but two weeks ago, you couldn't pay me to listen to the backwoods bubbas calling in asking if it was time for a change at D-coordinator. My how the tables have turned just two short weeks later. All of the sudden, most of the predictions heard from Hog fans actually FAVOR Arkansas against the nation's top ranked team. Granted, our talent isn't what Florida's is, and we'll see the second best defense in the country on Saturday (while ranked first statistically, I believe we already saw the first), but we have an offense good enough to counter this. Last week, before Auburn, I quoted some interesting stats to show that, while Auburn's much improved, the past history shows that when we played Auburn, stats don't matter. I'm not doing that this week because...check any stat...we lose.


So, here are my reasons why we beat Florida this weekend:


1. Ryan Mallett looked flustered against Alabama and lost some of his fundamentals. That won't happen this weekend. He's more mature after just two games, and he'll be able to step up in the pocket under pressure and make throws or scramble for a few. Against Auburn we learned that Mallett is not just a statue of himself (and he did too). The coaches and players seem to be on the same page and ready to win.


2. Our fans don't wear jorts (an neither does our starting QB).


3. This is a trap game for the Raging Tebows. As much as Meyer talks about how good we looked against Auburn and how we dominated all aspects of the game, Meyer has to know his players are already looking ahead to a Bama matchup. Meyer's teams usually lose one and wake up the next day regretting losing while thinking to themselves, "I can't believe we lost to them last night." Thanks Superbad, "We could be that guy!"

4. Win or lose, the messiah is still getting drafted this year. It may be late, but he'll get drafted. He'll have a less than pedestrian NFL career, give up football, and go into his passion, cutting foreskin off males in third world countries. Trust me, there's going to be a job opening for in "the biz" for him when he hangs up the cleats, and I'm sure nearly every preacher in the state of Florida would give up their wife or mistress to have him behind the pulpit. Not to mention, victorious or not, Tebow could still get with this girl:


In the words of Crown Pub, "Gunga Ga Gunga!! Those are some serious sweater cows." So, this game means nothing to the Tebows because, A) Tebow's personal career path is set (disgusting, but set), and he has nothing to gain here and B) The team knows they can still win a NC if they lose a game (see the loss to the Used Car Salesman last year).

So, call me a homer, give me the reasons the Hogs shouldn't win, but I'm not only drinking the Kool-Aid, I'm spiking it.

Go Hogs!
Beat the messiah and his 21 disciples!
Bells Paulsy out!

Like Kevin Garnett, Anything is Possible

The Doctor is reporting live from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, where you can always get the best deals on text books, as long as you're friends with the athletes. They're the ones vacating the wins, not you, so you've got nothing to lose!

• It should be noted that Crown Pub nailed his predictions for the Auburn game, except for the one about the terrible War Eagle commercial. I was pleased about that. However, the University of Arkansas showed their newest crappy commercial, which features the "Razorbug" driving all around the state (and Dallas, inexplicably) before it finally arrives at Old Main. Thumbs down to this ad.
  
• Before the game, Hog Nation received a troubling bit of news: star sophomore wide out and Little Rock native Joe Adams suffered a mild stroke sometime during the week. He was out for Saturday's game against Auburn, and his status for the remainder of the season is unknown, but I would be very surprised if he returns this year. I hope I'm wrong.
• While I was straightening my hair and checking out my ass here in the privacy of my hotel room, I realized that the Hogs have now beaten Auburn four years in a row, twice in the plains and twice in the hills. Until they beat us, Auburn, Alabama will be known as Fayetteville East.

The Hogs travel to Gainesville this weekend to face the defending National Champions, the most overwhelming preseason number one ranked team of all time, and the current best team in the land, the Florida Jesus Christs. I'll leave the preview and predictions for the prognosticator himself, Bell's Paulsy, as well as Crown Pub, but if you'll direct your eyes a few inches below, I will leave you with a bit of inspiration.




The Doctor...is out.